If Only
by casbeck
Summary: ******Chapter 11 now up**** Rick is in danger. Kate finally realizes just how much he means to her. So what does she do to prove it to him. Angsty to begin and but will be all Caskett eventually.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I wish I did… but I don't – it's all ABC and Marlowe.

Warning : SPOILER for 3X24 and S4.

Setting: Few months after S3 finale. Background – Beckett has broken up with Josh but is not 'with' Castle (yet).

A few things before we get started : This is my first ever Castle fic - and first fic after a 3 year break. ….so please be gentle And reviews are always welcome! The last I checked there were a few dozen fantastically written fics that start right after 3X 24. So knowing there was no way to top those, I decided to take a slightly different approach with this one. A word of warning this will be slightly more descriptive and less dialogue initially as I fill in the blanks for the post shooting months. The story starts around 4-5 months after the shooting. It will also be angsty in the beginning but will definitely be Caskett by the end. I will be honest I don't exactly know where this is headed. The idea has been floating around in my head for some time now and I had to put it down on paper…..or the computer in this case . Also I have taken some liberties with the actual story and where it was at the end of S3 - case in point - I have not done anything with the documents Montgomery sent out towards the end of 3X24. That didn't really fit with where I am planning on taking this story.

So without further ado – I give you my first ever Castle fic – If Only….

Chapter One

Sept 15, 2011 2 a.m, Syracuse NY

She couldn't breathe. Kate felt like someone was sitting on her windpipe sucking the breath out of her. The room began to blur and spin. She heard someone calling her name but it felt like they were underwater. She had to get out of there. Spinning on her heel she ran out of the room towards the women's restroom. She could hear Lanie calling her name and coming after her. But she dare not stop. Feeling a horrible sensation at the back of her throat she barely made it into one of the stall before chucking all the contents of her stomach. Not that there was much left to chuck. The last 8 hours of her life had been a blur. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. She didn't know how long she remained in the stall draped over the toilet. At some point she felt a hand gently rubbing circles on her back. Looking over her shoulder she saw Lanie hunkered down behind her – giving silent support. Smiling weakly at her Kate got up slowly and made her way over to the sink. She hadn't realized she had been crying. It was only when she looked in the mirror did she see the mascara streaked face and red eyes.

"You okay honey?" Lanie asked softly, concern coating every word. Kate nodded mutely - not daring to say anything more out of fear that she would break down again. She had to be strong to face whatever lay ahead of her. She felt a shudder run through her and rubbed her arms. Lanie caught the gesture and said, "He is going to be fine Kate. The universe demands it." Kate gave her friend a watery smile and reached out and hugged her.

"He has to be…." She said hoarsely, her face buried in Lanie's shoulder. The two friends remained that way for a while drawing comfort from each other before slowly making their way out of the restroom. Instead of heading back to the temporary command center, Lanie pulled Kate in the opposite direction towards the rear exit. Kate dug her heels in and said, "We need to get back there Lane."

"In a bit, but let's get some fresh air first. Besides I have told Javi to call us if there is any development."

Kate thought of arguing but changed her mind and followed Lanie out the back. She wasn't quite ready to face the situation in the command center yet. Stepping into the cool night air she breathed in deeply. From here she could make out the circus in the front of the building. A variety of law enforcement vehicles and tv vans were parked out front behind the barricades. There was a smattering of cops in the rear parking lot but Kate and Lanie were both wearing NYPD hoodies and didn't get a second glance from the cops.

They walked over to one of the parked cars in a relatively secluded area of the parking lot and sat down on the hood. After a few seconds of silence Lanie asked, "So…what happened, Kate?"

At first Kate was quiet- she even considered pretending like she didn't understand Lanie's question. But now was not the time for all that. And Lanie deserved to know the truth. She had been there for Kate more times than she could count. As for Kate, she realized she had everything bottled up so for so long she was afraid she was going to suffocate if she didn't unburden herself of it soon. So she took a deep breath and started talking, "It was the night of the Heat Wave premiere party…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

-Flashback-

2 weeks ago - Manhattan

There was a bounce in his step as he walked down the stairs to where his family waited impatiently in the foyer. Rick Castle - successful author, NYPD consultant and Manhattan's most eligible bachelor was giddy as a teenager on prom night - all because the love of his life had (finally) agreed to go to the Heat Wave premiere and after party with him. He was literally walking on air. His mother and daughter were waiting at the bottom of the stairs with impatient expressions on their faces.

"Daaaad" Alexis grumbled good -naturedly. "If we don't get moving, you are going to be late to your own movie's premiere. And Detective Beckett is going to kick your butt" she added with a twinkle in her eye.

'Hah… Fat chance!" He replied grabbing his jacket and heading out the door with them. He knew full well there was a distinct possibility that Kate would more than likely kick his ass to the curb if he showed up late tonight. Especially after all he had to go through just to get her to agree to come to the party with him. Although god forbid he call her his date! He sighed inwardly. It had been an uphill battle with Kate ever since the shooting at Captain Montgomery's funeral.

It had been a rough couple of months and he didn't know how much more he or she for that matter – could take. At first it had all been about her physical therapy and recovery. He had been by her side every step of the way. It broke his heart to see her struggling, but Kate being Kate hated to ask for help so he just stayed close enough to catch her if she fell. But despite all the comfort and help he offered she remained distant. While not being overtly rude or dismissive she had retreated back into her safe shell. She kept him at arms distance and hid behind the 'friendship' façade. On the surface she was the same Kate, the tough but gorgeous NYPD detective who spoke for the dead once the wicked had robbed of them of their voices. But anyone who knew her could see there was something missing. It was like she was looking for something – but didn't quite know what. Lanie, Javi, Kevin - all saw it, but chose not to say anything. Everyone was giving her space, including Rick. And so he had remained silent too.

As for his confession to her right after she was shot - it was always the elephant in the room. He had waited for her to say something once she had gotten out of the hospital. But as the days went by and she remained silent he had resigned himself to the fact that she either didn't remember or she did but didn't want to talk about it. He was afraid that she was going to bury herself so deep inside the fortress she kept building around herself that she would not be able to dig her way out from beneath it even if she wanted.

He was brought out of his musings by his daughter's voice once again, doing the impatient "Daaaaad. Focus!" She was holding his face in her hands and staring deep into his eyes. God she looked gorgeous in the emerald dress she had chosen to wear. His little girl had blossomed into a stunning young woman right before his eyes.

"Okay, Okay lets go" he said and giving her a quick peck on the check, got into the waiting limo. He had called Kate just before leaving the loft. They were going to pick her up on the way to the premiere. Alexis and his mother were carrying on an animated conversation about the lead actor playing Rook. He took the opportunity to gaze out the limo window at the city he loved. He was more nervous than he dared admit. He didn't know why he was feeling the way her was. He knew the movie was good. He had been involved in it every step of the way. He just had a feeling at the pit of his stomach that there was something about this night….

**Kate's apartment **

Kate smoothed her hand down the navy dress she and Alexis had bought a few days earlier. She remembered how excited Alexis had been when they had gone dress shopping together. Kate had initially been a little surprised by the girl's enthusiasm about the premiere. She had expected Alexis to be used to the 'celebrity' world that her father was a part of by now. But then again this was his first book to be made into a movie and Kate could see how proud Alexis was of Castle. Now as she stared at the clock she felt a sense of dread.

Although she didn't really know why she was feeling the way she was. If she was honest with herself, it should be Castle dreading having her on his arm this evening. Ever since her shooting Kate knew she had been a bear to be around. Lanie, Esposito, Ryan – they all tread on eggshells around her. They all cut her a wide berth. And then there was Rick. He had been her rock - unshakeable, immoveable pillar of strength. He took all the abuse she doled out without a word. He silently participated in the 'friendship' charade she had been playing. And a part of her hated him for it. If he had retaliated to her nastiness then maybe they could have had a knockdown drag out fight and she would have found a place to direct all the anger she carried around in her heart these days. But she hadn't, so here she was - having finally given in to his cajoling and manipulating to get her to agree to go to the premiere with him. He had told her to wait in her apartment and that he would come get her. But that just brought out the independent and newly found rebellious streak in her. So there she was – standing on the sidewalk outside her apartment waiting for Rick and his family to pick her up.

"Oh my god. Kateeeee. You look …..stunning. That dress is just aahhhhhhh", Alexis was screaming at the top of her lungs. Rick hadn't even realized the limo had stopped in front of Kate's apartment. And as he had expected there she, was waiting on the curb - despite his instructions for her to wait upstairs. Before he could gather his senses or get out of the car, she stepped into the limo and slid into the only empty seat – next to his mother, right across from him. Rick had trouble breathing. She looked absolutely breathtaking.

She and Alexis had gone dress hunting a couple of days ago. Neither would tell him nor show him what they bought. Now he knew why. If she had meant to turn him into a puddle of goo – then she had certainly achieved her goal. He was saved from saying much since Alexis was talking at the speed of light next to him. It gave Rick the chance to drink in the sight of her. The dress she had on - was just right for the occasion. Edgy but sophisticated. It was a navy all over lace strapless dress that hit her mid-thigh, showing off her killer legs in her ridiculous heels. She had crossed her legs and was leaning in towards his mother giving her a sideways hug.

He could feel her watching him watch her from the corner of her eyes. Suddenly she was leaning toward a hand under his chin she closed his mouth adding, "Stop drooling Castle". That broke the spell. He was about to retort when Alexis interrupted with another one of her questions for Kate.

A few minutes later they were pulling into the VIP parking at the Zeigfeld Theater. Moments after they were out of the car they were met by a publicist from the production company. After a quick round of introductions, she escorted them to the spot where the red carpet started. The next few minutes were a complete blur to him. He did however remember 2 things – the first being that somehow Kate had managed to get herself in a position where she was walking the carpet with Alexis, leaving him to escort his second thing was the expression on Kate's face. For one quick unguarded second after the first flashbulb went off, the expression on her face was one that said she would much rather be anywhere but here.

Despite knowing that all of this made her uncomfortable he couldn't ignore the pain it caused him. As if she could read his thoughts his mother squeezed his arm and said quietly. "Give her time darling. This is all new to her. She will come around". Giving her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, he squeezed back her hand and started doing the round of interviews. Since he had given the publicist specific instructions to keep the paparazzi away from his daughter, it was just him on the carpet now. Kate, Alexis and his mother were inside.

Somehow he managed to get through the interviews without punching one of the interviewers.  
>"Where is your detective muse? Why did she run off? Are you a couple? "<br>It wasn't really their fault – they were supposed to ask these questions. But given everything that had happened in the last few months, every question about Kate was a knife to his heart. Thankfully they had reached the end of the line and he was inside the theater. Once inside the publicist led him to the area where his family waited for him.

The movie was everything he could have asked for. They had brought his characters to life in a way he could not have imagined. After the movie was over, his family and the gang from the 12th headed over to the loft. They had chosen to skip the official after party for the movie – opting instead to have one of their own at his loft. Alexis was spending the night at a friend's place and his mother – well he didn't really know her exact location. All she had said was to not wait up for him.

The evening was filled with good natured ribbing and music and good food. Despite all that Kate still seemed a little distracted. He kept getting the feeling she didn't really want to be there. So at one point in the evening when she walked upstairs saying she needed to freshen up, he followed her. He was waiting for her outside the bathroom. She walked out and ran straight into him.

"Jeez Castle! You scared me. Why the hell are you skulking around in the hallway? " She stared daggers at him before trying to walk past him. He caught her arm as she walked by and brought her back to face him.

"What's going on Kate?", he asked quietly. She tried to shrug his arm off but he held tight. "I've been watching you all evening. You have been avoiding me and it doesn't seem like you are having a good time."

"What? That's crazy Castle. Now let me go or the others are going to think we are up to something." Her attempt at humor washed right off him. He was so sick of this dance they had been doing. He just wanted it to be over. So he pushed knowing full well she would erupt. "And that would be so bad why?"

"What's wrong with you Castle?" Kate's eyes were blazing. She looked ready to punch him.

"Stop. Calling. Me. That." Castle was furious. He had started to hate his last name. He knew she had switched back to 'Castle" off late. She never called him Rick anymore, despite the fact that he never called her 'Beckett' anymore. "Do you really think we can go back to the way we were if you call me that? Don't you think we have moved on from that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Castle". She refused to even look at him. Before he could say anything else, she practically ran downstairs. Rick let out a frustrated breath. He felt like throwing something. The vase sitting on a shelf a few feet from him looked inviting but just the thought that he was even contemplating it, got him moving. He followed her down the stairs. He was going to put an end to this madness one way or another. He was tired of the charade of pretending to be just partners; it was giving him migraines.

When he got downstairs he saw that the loft was empty, except for Kate who was hurriedly putting on her coat and making a move towards the door. Before she could reach it, Rick inserted himself between the door and her. She didn't say anything just stared daggers at him. If looks could kill, he would be six feet under by now. But instead of doing him bodily harm she turned on her heel , walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Let's just get this over with. Say what you want to say Rick and then I am leaving." Kate knew she was goading him into a fight. But she was just so tired. Tired of pretending she had made her peace with her mother's case. Tired of pretending she didn't have feelings for Rick. Tired of pretending like everything was back to the way it was two years ago.

Without another word Rick walked back into his family room and sat down next to her. He sighed and seemed to brace himself before turning toward her and looking her straight in the eyes. What she saw in those eyes and in his voice almost stole her breath. There was a world of pain and resignation in his words.  
>"Do you hate me Kate? Cos I can't figure out what else it can be. I have been nothing but supportive of you in these last few months…..no wait YEARS. And it only seems to make you madder and madder as time goes by. So just tell me Kate. Just say the words and I promise you I will do it. "When she remained silent he said even more passionately, "You have to say it Kate. YOU HAVE TO SAY IT! Cos I apparently, do not have the ability to walk away from you. Not matter how badly you treat me; I am somehow incapable of walking away. "<br>His voice broke slightly on the last word and Kate felt like crying. It would be so easy she thought. So easy - to just melt into his arms and forget about everything. Say she was sorry and all would be forgiven. She knew he would move heaven and earth to keep her happy and safe. But therein lay the problem. She didn't know if she was capable of being happy anymore. And he deserved so much better. He had once asked her to walk away from her mother's case.

To be safe for the people that loved her. To be happy. But she hadn't then and she couldn't now. And he deserved better. He deserved someone who loved him just as spectacularly as he would love them. She knew she had to cut him loose. She had been selfish to string him along. Knowing he wanted more and knowing she couldn't give him that. Kate knew once she uttered the words she had to next, Rick Castle would be gone from her life for good. She had seen it in his eyes. He would not be back this time. But she had just one selfish need before she did that. She leaned toward him and kissed him on the lips. Threaded her hands into his hair and kissed him will all the passion and anger and desperation she was feeling at the moment. Then she pulled back stood up and striding towards the door said hoarsely, "Walk away Rick. Get the hell out of my life. " And with that she was gone.

Rick was too stunned to react. The kiss had been so unexpected; he had been rooted to the spot. She had kissed him with such a passion and urgency he had been blown away by it. So lost had he been in the abyss of that kiss he had realized only too late what it had been. It was when she pulled back and abruptly walked to the door did her parting words register in his brain. It had been a goodbye kiss. Kate Beckett was cutting him out of her life.


	3. Chapter 3

So I'd said I would start this chapter in the present, but I am not. I still need to fill in the gaps between that day in Chapter one to present day & Castle's predicament. Also contrary to a slightly nasty review I received for the earlier chapter about the story being 'trouble and pain crap', I am not trying to break these 2 up at all. I am a true romantic at heart so this is definitely gonna end with them together. I just want to explore the characters reactions to heartbreak and their loved ones being in danger. Esp Beckett. On the show there is only so much they can show. But here you get to do and describe so much more. I also wanted to explore the relationships between the other characters while Castle is in danger. Anyway…..I just wanted to put that disclaimer out there before going on. So without further ado – I give you chapter 3 …

Chapter 3

**10 hrs ago – 12****th**** precinct**

Kate sat in her chair and rubbed her eyes. They had wrapped up not one but 3 cases in one day. It had been an extremely fulfilling day workwise. Emotionally though – she was a basket case. Which was nothing new - she had been almost intolerable to be around since that day 2 weeks back. So much so, that at one point the new Captain had called her into her office and told her flat out that if she didn't get her act together, she would find herself on traffic duty. Although she had been furious when she made the threat, Kate could see the concern in her eyes. Everyone at the precinct had been dreading the day the new Captain joined.

Roy Montgomery was irreplaceable. He had not only been a great captain he had also been a mentor and friend to everyone at the 12th. So they were all dreading having someone new in his place. But Captain Frye had surprised them all. Despite being IA she had given them all the benefit of doubt and recognized the fact that to run a smooth operation, especially one like a police precinct required having the trust of the people under you. And she would not be gaining anything by alienating them.

She had slowly but surely gained their trust and had stood by them in turf wars with other law enforcement agencies or on occasion when they were at war with the media. But the biggest surprise had come the day the Captain had called Castle into her office. They had all been resigned to the fact that Castle's shadowing her was pretty much over. But as they had all sat in the bullpen pretending to be working, while all the time staring into the Captain's office trying to make out what was being said - she had managed to surprise them yet again.

Castle had walked out of her office with a look of utter amazement on his face. Kate knew from personal experience it was near impossible to render this man speechless. But Captain Kaylee Frye had done it! Castle had mutely handed over the paperwork the Captain had given him. Not only was he getting to stay, she had made it official! Rick Castle was now a bona fide NYPD consultant – ID card and all. He was officially Det Beckett's partner and had to take mandatory weapons training. Captain Frye, Castle had explained had been impressed with their closure rate and had not wanted to mess with a good thing. However given her history in IA, she wanted to make sure they dotted their t's and crossed their i's.

She wanted to ensure they didn't have any cases thrown out of court, due to the fact that they had a civilian running around with the arresting officers drawing guns. This also explained the need for the official title and mandatory weapons training. Kate had to smile when she remembered Rick's stunned expression followed by utter glee afterwards. Her eyes involuntarily went to the empty chair to her left. Even though he had been given his own desk as a consultant, he still chose to sit at her desk instead. But now even that chair was empty – and she had no one to blame but herself. Just as she had expected, he had not come back this time. He had made up some excuse about out of town commitments to explain his absence at the precinct. Kate had been in such a foul mood since then, nobody else had dared ask her what was going on.

Oh but how she missed him….missed that sparkle in his eyes, that endearing smile that could make the bleakest of days seem worth it. Kate sighed and dropped her face in her hands. Suddenly she heard a commotion outside the bullpen. She barely had time to get up from her desk before she was enveloped in a bear hug by none other than Alexis Castle.

She was sobbing so badly Kate couldn't make out a word of what was being said. Just then Captain Frye walked out of her office, her face ashen. She was followed by Esposito and Ryan who both looked like their best friend had just died. Something was terribly wrong. Kate's knees buckled. If Alexis hadn't been hanging onto her with all her strength, Kate might have collapsed.

"Rick" she whispered hoarsely. Staring blankly over Alexis' shoulder she asked, "Alexis, where is your dad?"

Before Alexis could answer the Captain spoke up, "We have a situation Beckett" she said quietly. She laid a hand on Alexis' back and said gently, "Alexis, Why don't you go into my office with Detective Ryan? So I can update Detective Beckett about …..." she paused and continued "the situation".

Alexis was reluctant to let Kate go, but eventually nodded and went with Ryan. The Captain looked at Kate and said without preamble, "Approximately one hour ago, about a dozen or so people were taken hostages in an office building in Camden. Details are just beginning to trickle out. We don't know how or why this happened. All we know is that the hostage-takers let the hostages send texts or emails to their loved ones. Soon after though, their phones seemed to have been turned off. And they have not made any kinds demands yet." She stopped and looked at Kate then continued, "Rick Castle is one of the hostages Detective Beckett". Kate sucked in a pained breath and closed her eyes. No, this was not happening! The universe would not be that cruel. After everything they had been through…..how could this be happening? It was all her fault. If she had had the courage to …..

"Detective Beckett? …Kate?" Alexis' voice broke on the last word. Kate saw her standing just outside the bullpen staring at her with tear-filled eyes. That snapped Kate out of her spiral into self –pity. Now was not the time for pity or regrets. She needed to be strong for Alexis.

She walked over to where Alexis was standing and hugged her. 'Shhhhh….it's going to be all right okay?" .She pulled back and holding Alexis's hands in her own vowed to the teen, "I promise you I will move heaven and earth, if that's what it takes to bring your dad back. Whatever it takes …..Okay? Alexis nodded mutely and gave her a brave smile so Kate continued, "But both he and I need you to be strong. Can you do that for me? I need to go there and bring him back. But I can't do that if I am worrying about your safety okay sweetie? So I am going to take you to Syracuse with me, but you have to stay at a safe- house."

Alexis was starting to shake her head in protest but before Kate could say anything the Captain spoke, "Detective Ryan will stay with you the whole time Alexis. That way Detective Beckett can keep you posted on any developments and we can take you to see your dad as soon as she says it's safe." When Alexis acquiesced and said, "Okay" Kate looked at the Captain and mouthed a silent "Thank You".

The Captain nodded and asked them to meet her in her office once all the necessary arrangements had been made. Things seemed to move at lightning speed after that. Before she knew it there was a fleet of cars, all with their sirens on heading out of the 12th towards Camden. But Kate would never forget what the Captain had said in her office just before leaving.

"I want to make something very clear here before we leave. Yes 'we'….I am coming with you. I may have had my reservations about Rick Castle when I first found out about your little arrangement here. But in the last few months, he has proven time and again what a valuable member he is on this team. And where I come from we take care of our own. Now having said all that, I do know that we will be facing a turf war over jurisdiction and our involvement there. There is a high chance we might get kicked to the curb. But I don't want you to worry about that. Let me handle it the way I see fit. Agreed?" All 3 detectives nodded in unison. They couldn't have said a word if their life depended on it. Captain Frye stood and picking up her jacket said, "Come on lets go get our boy back".


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note : I apologize for the delay in posting. New job, overseas guests and twin toddler to deal with :) Anyway so here is Chapter 4. This chapter starts off with Rick's POV and fills in the gaps in what has been going on inside the hostage situation. I had initially planned on only focusing on the KB and RC emotions with the 'case' remaining in the background. But as I started writing it I realized I wanted to get into the actual hostage situation a little more - and a story began to take shape in my mind. I hope you like where I am going with this. So here it is - Ch4.

Disclaimer : Don't own anything.

Rick's POV (Inside Hostage situation)

Rick closed his eyes and rested his head against the column he was currently tied to. _How had it all gone so horribly wrong_?His head ached and his right eye was fast swelling shut. His ribs hurt so badly, it was hard just drawing a breath. He sighed and thought back to how it had all started. The day had started out with such promise. After 2 weeks of wallowing in self-pity, he had finally gotten some good news. They were going to make the next Nikki Heat movie. He was to meet the producer – Jason McClintock at his son's office in Camden NJ.

Jason's son was a hotshot lawyer with a swanky office in downtown Camden. Since Jason was shooting a movie in NJ, he had wanted to meet at his son's office. Normally Rick hated driving to New Jersey, but today he had actually welcomed it. He needed to get out of New York and he needed to concentrate on something other than his love life – or lack thereof. He had even managed to get some writing done in the morning before getting in his car and making the trip to Camden in the evening. The meeting had been a success. As with the first movie, he knew his work was in good hands this time as well. After the meeting with Jason, Rick had been hesitant to go back to New York. Back to New York meant back to his life, which meant back to his life without Kate and without his friends at the 12th.

After everything that had happened with him and Kate, he didn't think it would be a good idea to continue hanging out with the guys from the 12th. His and Kate's situation would always be the elephant in the room and he had not wanted to put her in the awkward position of having to explain. His story of out of town commitments had been the easy way out - restricting their contact to a few texts here and there. So after the meeting with Jason had ended he had decided to walk around the neighborhood and take in the sights. Not that there were too many sights to take in – it was Camden after all. But the writer in him was always curious to find a story – even in a city like Camden. A few blocks from Jason's son's office he found an art gallery. It was a huge place, taking up almost 2 of the bottom floors of an office building. He wanted to replace the picture of the stairs in his study. For some reason it had started making him feel dizzy. So thinking he might find something new to replace said picture, he had walked into the gallery - and into a hostage situation.

-Flashback-

Few hours earlier - The Afiya Art Gallery – Camden NJ

Rick started in fascination at the tiny figurine in the glass case in front of him. It seemed to be made of gold and studded with gems in every color imaginable. He could only imagine how long it must have taken the artist to complete it. As Kate always teased him, he had the attention span of a two year old - so he couldn't even think about trying something like this. He was so absorbed in studying the piece, he didn't hear anyone come over and stand next to him, but suddenly a voice from his left said, "Beautiful piece isn't it?" He straightened up from studying the figurine and looked towards the owner of the voice.

"I'm Katherine….Kate. I'm the manager here. We just got this piece in yesterday. Its stunning isn't it".

Rick knew he looked like an absolute idiot as he stood there staring at her. Kate! He could not freaking believe, that he had decided to stay back in NJ to get away from thoughts of a certain Kate. Only to run into a new one! What were the odds! The only saving grace was this one was not a brunette - she was stunning blonde.

He quickly took the proffered hand and introduced himself, "Rick …..Richard Castle".

Her eyes grew wide at that. "I thought it was you! Oh my goodness. I can't believe I get to meet you in person! Your Derek Storm series got me through a number of sleepless nights during my first pregnancy! And Nikki is helping me with this one". She rubbed her pregnant belly and smiled at him warmly.

Rick couldn't help but laugh. He wiggled his eyebrows and said," So my books are so boring they put you to sleep?" He saw the horrified look on her face and decided to let her off the hook. "I'm just teasing Katherine. I am honored that my books are helping you in any way needed". He made a show of an exaggerated bow.

He heard her laugh softly. "My husband is slightly jealous I must say. At first he seemed to have made peace with the fact that his back rubs were being trumped by your books." Her eyes twinkling mischievously she continued, "But then he saw your picture on the book jacket." Katherine rolled her eyes at that.

"Let's just say you won't find him standing in line at your book signing. Men and their egos – oh so fragile!" She gave an exaggerated sigh and he burst out laughing.

But his laugh quickly died on his lips when she suddenly clutched her belly and winced. "Hey, are you okay?"

His brow was creased with worry. Judging by the size of her belly he wouldn't be surprised if she went into labor right there. But after a minute or so, she straightened up and gave him a wan smile and said, "I'm fine. It comes and goes. It's getting harder to stay on my feet very long."

He frowned and said, "You shouldn't then. I mean – be on your feet very long."

She smiled and said, "You sound like my husband. He keeps telling me to quit and stay home." She shook her head and said, "I would go crazy if I did that! And drive everyone around me crazy….Besides, I love this job. Being surrounded by all this beauty – every piece in here tells me a story. Sometimes right before closing, I dim out the lights and just stand here letting my imagination take flight. There is a story behind all of them….."She laughed softly and shook her head. "You must think I'm getting loopy with the pregnancy hormones."

Actually Rick knew exactly what she meant. That's why he himself had decided to walk around the neighborhood and had been drawn to this gallery. The continued chatting for a while and then Katherine walked him around the gallery, showing him some of the artwork that she thought would appeal to him. She had nailed his taste down in the first few minutes. Just as he had settled on a gorgeous painting and had turned around to tell Katherine, all hell broke loose. The gallery was swarming with men holding an arsenal of ominous looking weapons and screaming

"Everybody get down now!"

With that, they opened fire on the artwork in the gallery. Rick quickly grabbed Katherine's hand and ducked behind one of the wooden cases and covered her body with his as glass, wood and ceramic shards rained down on them. Katherine was clutching her belly and crying softly. She kept repeating, "Oh god, Oh my god". They stayed that way for a minute, till the firing stopped. Rick turned her body so she wasn't lying under him anymore.

He sat with his back against the wall and put his arm around her shoulder soothing her. They stayed that way for a few minutes before a big hulk of a man came around the display case and stood over them with his weapon leveled at their heads and demanded, "Get up and follow me. Don't try anything, or I won't hesitate to shoot." He paused a second and then continued in a harsh voice; "Starting with her." He nodded at Katherine, who was burrowing into his side, still clutching her belly. He nodded and started to get up but Katherine resisted. "Noooooo". She pleaded with him trying to pull him back down.

Rick crouched in front of her and said, "Hey, it's going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you or the baby. Trust me okay? But we need to go with him NOW." Rick put an emphasis on the work NOW. Katherine looked into his eyes and saw what he was trying to say. The man with the gun nudged Rick in the back and said impatiently, "Okay - move it or I will make it so you never move again." Rick felt like punching the guy's lights out but knew that would be a spectacularly stupid idea. He tugged Katherine up and putting an arm around her shoulders, walked in the direction the man had asked him to.

Soon he and the rest of the hostages – there were 8 of them in total, were herded into the back of the gallery. From there they were marched through the back offices of the gallery and into the basement of the building. Rick looked around and realized it was a small warehouse for the gallery. There was a large office area to one side with multiple rows of shelves holding a variety boxes on the other. They were pushed into the office area of the large room and made to kneel on the rough concrete floor with their hands on their heads. Rick noted that other than Katherine and himself there were four men and two women. Of the men one was an older gentleman who looked like he was about ready to pass out. Both the women looked ready to follow him.

One of the men, who Rick presumed was the leader, since he seemed to be barking out all the orders - stood in front of the hostages and laid down the law. He spoke with an accent that Rick couldn't quite place but it sounded like an African accent. "Hello, my name is Ty and you will be my guests for the next few hours. So I wanted to set down some ground rules. Follow them and you may live. Don't - and my men here will not hesitate to put a bullet between your eyes. Am I making myself clear?" He didn't wait for answer since he hadn't meant it as a question but more a statement of facts. "You may take out your cell phones and send your loved ones one text message. After which you will hand over your phones to my men here. Again let me remind you – try anything funny and you WILL die."

Although the man didn't once raise his voice, Rick felt a shudder go through him. There was just something about the man. He couldn't quite figure out what it was, but there seemed to be something evil lurking behind his eyes. He had no doubt in this mind that this man had killed before and he would not hesitate to aim his gun at any of them and calmly pull the trigger.

Soon the remaining terrorists had gathered around Rick and the hostages. They watched each person send messages to their loved ones. Rick typed out a quick message to Alexis. He kept it short and to the point. Bad as this was, the last thing he needed was to freak Alexis out any more than needed. He looked over at Katherine who was still silently sobbing. Her hands were shaking as she typed her message. When she was done she drew in a long breath and straightened her spine. Before he had a chance to say anything to her, their phones were grabbed out of their hands and one of the terrorists took them upstairs with him. Rick had no doubt in his mind he would never see his phone again. Once the phones had been dealt with, Ty he was joined by a man Rick hadn't seen before. They discussed something in hushed tones before Ty turned and made his way back upstairs. The other man then came and stood in front of the hostages. When he spoke it was with the same accent he had noticed in Ty. "So here is what is going to happen. Follow orders and no harm will come to you. As long as the authorities meet our demands, you will be allowed to walk out of here alive. I have no interest in shedding any more blood than is necessary. Do not try anything heroic however, for Ty and his men here don't live by the same rules that I live by."

Just like Ty, this monologue had also been delivered without any obvious show of emotion. But unlike Ty, Rick actually was inclined to believe him when he said he would let them walk out alive. He saw something different in this man's eyes. He couldn't put a name to it quite yet, but Rick knew that whatever his reasons for doing this, they were different from Ty's. The look in his eyes was vastly different from the cold and sadistic look he had seen in Ty's eyes. He filed that thought away for later. If there was one thing he had learned in the last 3 years at the precinct, it was to try and nail the perp's motivation and weakness and use it against him when the time was right. Rick was silently filing away each man's traits and emotions as he saw them. But right now he needed as much information as he could get out of them. So he looked straight at the man who had just spoken and asked, "So what exactly ARE your demands?"

The man seemed surprised by the question. Or maybe he was surprised was the fact that someone had actually dared speak up. His eyebrows shot up and he calmly replied, "That's between us and the authorities. All you need to worry about is keeping your mouth shut and following our orders." With that he spoke to one of his men in a soft voice and went back upstairs.

Rick could hear the police sirens upstairs. He closed his eyes imagining the scene up there. He wondered if anyone from the 12th was there yet. Bad idea; his mind immediately informed him. Thinking of the 12th brought his thoughts back to Kate. God how he wished he hadn't let her walk out of his life that day. All the time they had wasted. And now here he was – guns aimed at his head. Not knowing if he was going to make it out of this alive. He felt anger boiling up in him - at Kate for running scared and at himself -for letting her run. Why hadn't he fought for her? Why had he let her walk away? Why hadn't he chased after her…..or tried to get her back?

No sooner had the questions entered his mind than he knew the answer - He had let her go because he was tired of chasing after her. No matter what he did, or said, she still ran. He knew he had to get on with his life. He was tired of being the guy who was always there. The guy you could depend on to get a laugh out of when you felt down. But he was also the guy who got strung along and then discarded like he meant nothing. He was just so sick and tired of it. He swore to himself right then and there - if he got out of this alive, he was going to make sure he didn't waste any time wallowing in thoughts of Kate. He was going to get on with his life. Oh he knew he wasn't ever going back to his playboy days. He had changed too much over the last few years to ever go back to that.

He was still lost in his thoughts when he heard a whimper from his left and saw Katherine bring her hands down to clutch her belly. She was unable to stay up on her knees anymore and sank down, resting her weight on one hand - the other still clutching her belly. Rick and one of the other hostages - a woman, turned to help her. Seconds after they moved, they heard one of the men guarding them yell. "Stop! Do not move."

"Can't you see she is pregnant and hurting?" Rick glared over his shoulder at the man.

"I said do not move."

The man repeated in a cold and silky voice that sent chills down Rick's back. But he knew he had to help Katherine. So ignoring the instructions, he turned back to Katherine. He noticed the other woman had moved back against the wall now. Seconds after he touched Katherine again, he felt strong hands take hold of him and hurl him toward the wall. He slammed into the wall with a force that knocked the breath out of him. His cheek hurt like the devil where it had made contact with the wall. He heard someone scream…. and once again all hell broke loose.

Two of the other hostages tried to take advantage of the situation by rushing the man who had hit Rick. A second later Rick heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot and the sickening sound of a body hitting the floor. He turned around and saw one of the hostages on the floor – lying in a pool of other man who had attempted to rush the terrorists was face-down on the floor with his arms twisted behind his back and a gun to his head.

"Move and you will join your buddy there."

Rick could hear Katherine crying in earnest now. Before he could even think of doing anything, he felt himself being lifted up. He tried to struggle against his captors and got punched in the face for his efforts. He felt his lip split open and blood ooze out of the gash. The man who had pushed him into the wall pulled Rick's head back by yanking on his hair.

"What part of don't try anything heroic didn't you get?"

Rick didn't know why he kept talking knowing full well he was going to pay for it later but he just couldn't seem to shut up.

"She is pregnant you jack-hole! I was trying to help her." Wrong. Answer. The man smiled coldly and put his knee in Rick's stomach. Before Rick could register anything else, he was hit in the head with the man's automatic weapon. The world went black.

When he came to Rick found himself alone in a room that was significantly smaller than the larger area they had been in earlier. His hands and feet were bound and he was tied to a pillar. But that wasn't what made him almost wet himself - It was the sight of the bomb - strapped to his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N : I struggled a little with this chapter trying to strike a balance between making it believable and not boring readers with too many details. I think I managed to do it, but haven't had it beta-ed. So if you see any glaring discrepancies, please let me know. When I started writing this, I was making it up as I went but I now have a pretty good outline of where I will be taking the next few chapters. For one, it's going to be Caskett all the way from here on out. It will get lighter as we go and will even go 'M' eventually. So bear with me dear readers - The painful part of the story is almost done.**

**Since I am writing this story separately from Rick and Kate's POV with flashbacks to fill in the gaps in time, I am starting this chapter with a paragraph from an earlier chapter to put this one in context story-wise. Italicized part is from the earlier chapter.**

**Usual Disclaimers apply : I don't own anything.**

**-x-x-**

**Kate and Lanie (Back Parking lot of command center)**

_"In a bit, but let's get some fresh air first. Besides I have told Javi to call us if there is any development." Kate thought of arguing but changed her mind and followed Lanie out the back. She wasn't quite ready to face the situation in the command center yet. Stepping into the cool night air she breathed in deeply. From here she could make out the circus in the front parking lot of the building. A variety of law enforcement vehicles and tv vans were parked out front behind the barricades. There was a smattering of cops in the rear parking lot but Kate and Lanie were both wearing NYPD hoodies and didn't get a second glance from the cops. They walked over to one of the parked cars in a relatively secluded area of the parking lot and sat down on the hood. After a few seconds of silence Lanie asked, "So…what happened, Kate?" At first Kate was quiet- she even considered pretending like she didn't understand Lanie's question. But now was not the time for all that. And Lanie deserved to know the truth. She had been there for Kate more times than she could count. As for Kate, she realized she had everything bottled up so for so long she was afraid she was going to suffocate if she didn't unburden herself of it soon. So she took a deep breath and started talking, "It was the night of the Heat Wave premiere party…"_

After Kate had told Lanie everything that had happened, no words were exchanged for a while. Kate was crying openly by now and even Lanie's eyes had teared up. She let her friend get it all out, providing silent support by rubbing slow circles on her back. She couldn't imagine being in Kate's place. _If anything ever happened to Javi_…..she didn't even finish the thought. After a few minutes Kate managed to get her emotions under control and wiped her face on the sleeves of her hoodie.

She looked sideways at Lanie's silent form and said quietly. "I really screwed it up this time huh?"

Lanie shook her head slowly and said, "If I know anything about your stubborn writer, it's that he is not one to give up easily and he cares for you deeply…."

But Kate was already shaking her head even before the words left Lanie's mouth. "Not this time Lane - this time he didn't come back. This time he actually stayed away. You said it yourself – he wouldn't stay away no matter what I said. But he did Lanie. He did give up …..on us "

The last two words were said so softly, Lanie wasn't sure she actually heard them. Kate's eyes were starting to tear up again. Lanie stepped in front of Kate and lifted the detective's chin.

"Well then you fight for him honey. YOU do the chasing this time Kate. YOU do the proving. He has more than proved his feelings …and himself to you. Hell the man was even willing to take a bullet for you – in front of his family." Lanie stopped talking because she felt a lump in her throat herself. _You better make it out of there alive writer monkey_, she thought to herself before continuing, "It's your turn now. **SHOW** him Kate - show him how you feel…and then when the time is right **TELL** him how you feel. You deserve to be happy Kate…you both do." Kate nodded mutely and Lanie smiled.

Just as she was about to suggest they go back inside, Esposito burst out of the back door and spotting them said breathlessly, "We're moving."

Kate and Lanie quickly followed Esposito back into the building. Esposito gave them an update of what they had missed. Although they hadn't been gone long, things seemed to have moved quickly in their absence. The terrorists demands it appeared, were about to be met. There was a plan in place to make the swap. Their first demand had been the handover of a Sudanese diplomat; Boutros Jemal - currently visiting the US for a meeting at the UN. The second was 20 million dollars. It's hard to judge anyone in just one meeting, but Jemal had rubbed Kate the wrong way the second he had set foot in the command center. Despite all the protests by the State Department other federal agencies, Mr Jemal had volunteered to offer himself up for the switch. Kate got the feeling his self-sacrificing, for the greater good thing was just an act. It was too convenient. The man has also spent a lot of time giving 'interviews' to anyone who held a microphone to his face. Something just didn't seem right about him.

Just before they reached the command center, Esposito stopped and said in a low voice "I told Jordan about our …." Esposito paused, looking for the right word. "Misgivings", he continued. But Like I said with the State Dept breathing down their neck, her hands are tied too. But she said she would take it under consideration."

Kate sighed, "I hate this. I just….HATE THIS. But it doesn't look like we have much of a choice here. Let's just go see what they have planned. And if they think I am staying back because of some jurisdiction crap, then they better be prepared for a fight!"

She saw Esposito look at Lanie and smile. "What?"

"Nice to have you back boss". Kate just shook her head and kept walking.

Once inside the temporary command center, Kate grabbed a vest and made a beeline for Agent Jordan Shaw. Shaw looked at Kate and raised an eyebrow. Kate looked resolutely back and after a second or so Jordan took her elbow and moved to a corner of the room.

"Are you sure you're up to this? I had to fight to keep you on the team going in. But I need to know I can depend on you to not break under pressure. Are you sure you don't want to stay here?"

"No" Kate said in a firm and unwavering voice. "I'm sure. Let's go in there and put an end to this."

Unconsciously Kate's eyes went to the screen on the opposite wall. There it was – The Photo, as she had come to think of it. The photo, from her nightmares - the photo of Castle that had been sent by the terrorists earlier. It was permanently seared into Kate's brain. He looked badly beaten and tied up. But what sent chills down her spine and would give her nightmares for years to come – was the bomb strapped to his chest. Jordan followed her gaze to the picture on the screen and squeezed Kate's hand. But before she could say anything, Kate looked back at her and said, "Let's get the bastards that did this."

Shaw must have seen the resolve in Kate's eyes for she didn't waste any further time questioning the detective's ability. Instead she quickly filled Kate in on the plan of attack. It was a simple and clean plan. Shaw was going to pretend to make the 'switch' - Jemal and the money for the hostages. Make the switch while trying to take the terrorists down. That was the team currently assembling outside. The real assault would come from the back. While the terrorist were busy with the switch happening in the front of the building, the assault team consisting of elite members of the FBI and SWAT would take out any terrorists in the back and get into the building.

If all went according to plan they would have everyone in custody, and Jemal and the hostages would be safe. But Kate knew these things had a way of going south pretty fast. On the outside she had her detective face on, ready to move. Inwardly however was a different story. Inwardly her thoughts were centered on one thing and one thing only – getting to Rick and getting him out safe. Beckett looked over at Esposito. His eyes were ablaze with the same resolution that burned in hers.

Sometimes she forgot how much Castle meant to her whole team. He may have been shadowing HER, but she knew without a doubt that Castle would have taken a bullet for any one of them and vice versa. When he saw her looking in his direction his jaw tightened and he gave her a quick nod as if to say, "Let's do this". Once everyone was suited up and armed, Jordan and her team walked with Jemal to the front entrance of the building housing the gallery and Kate followed the assault team to the back. Unbeknownst to them Jemal has been busy informing his cohorts, the terrorists of their every move.

The next hour of Kate's life was one she would not soon forget. In fact she was certain she would have nightmares about it for a long time to come. Everything seemed to be going according to plan at first. While Jordan and her team got the operation going in the front of the building, the assault team came in from the back. From the minute they set foot inside the rear parking lot however it all had all gone to hell. The terrorists had known they would be coming from the back. It had been a bloodbath before the FBI team and Kate and Esposito had even set foot inside the building. They lost a few of their men but had ultimately managed to subdue most of the terrorists guarding the back. They had entered the building cautiously, not wanting any more surprises. But they had been surprised nonetheless. Seconds after they had set foot inside the building an explosion had rocked it. Kate had been thrown to the floor with Esposito covering her. "What the hell was that?"

Esposito looked in the direction the blast seemed to have come from. All he saw was smoke and flames from the opposite corner from where they were located. "Oh. My. God…noooooo. Rick!' Kate managed to croak out before she broke into a run towards the smoke.

"Beckett? BECKETT" She could hear Esposito running after her. Suddenly she was tackled by strong pair of arms. She struggled to get out of their grasp.

"Let me go Esposito."Esposito half lifted, half dragged her outside the building again. Already it was swarming with firemen, trying to get the blaze under control.

"Let me go! I have to go find him" she yelled at the man holding her.

"Beckett. You can't go in there Beckett. Do you want to get yourself killed?"

She looked into his face and the look on her face broke his heart. Without giving it another thought he quickly hugged Kate and said," As soon as they have the fire under control I promise you we will go back inside. And if anyone tries to stop us I will shoot them, I promise. But we gotta wait out here for now Kate. Okay? We gotta wait here for now." He said it like a litany and Kate realized he was just as scared at what they might find inside as she was.

She nodded mutely and letting go of him sat on the ground and buried her head in her hands. She didn't know how long they sat that way before Esposito pulled her up by the elbow, "Come on. Let's go back in".

They walked back into the building. They had barely gone a few feet from the back entrance when they were stopped. It was one of the SWAT team members she had met earlier in the command center.

"You can't go in there detective"

"Like hell I can't. That's my ..." She gulped and continued, "That's my partner in there."

"He's not in there."

Kate just looked up at the man blankly. "What do you mean he's not in there?"

"We got all the other hostages out. They killed two. We haven't located the bodies yet" He hesitated and Kate asked him in a deliberate voice, " WHERE is Castle?

"Kate"

Kate drew her eyes away from the SWAT officer and looked toward the owner of the stood a few feet away, a somber look on her face.

"Tell me he isn't….." she implored to the agent. She felt Esposito's hand on her arm offering silent support.

Jordan shook her head and beckoned her over. "He is alive but, not out of the woods yet. The bomb squad is in there. They are working on getting the device off him."

"I want to see him Jordan."

"You know the drill Kate. Till they get the bomb off him, they will not allow anyone in there."

"I won't get in the way, let me just see him Jordan. Please." She implored.

"Okay." The agent sighed and led Kate down a hallway swarming with firemen and federal agents. Soon they were in an area near the corner of the hallway. All around her Kate could see the destruction caused by the explosive. It was a sea of shattered glass and broken furniture. Everything was covered in water from the fire hoses.

When they had reached a corner of the hallway, Kate saw him. As Jordan had warned her, they couldn't get close. The area had been cordoned off. But from where she stood she saw him. And it broke her heart. He looked worse than what that photo of him had showed. On top of the bruises from the photo, there were newer ones that Kate guessed were thanks to the debris from the explosive going off. His eyes were closed and his head was resting back against the column he was strapped to. His pristine white shirt was covered in blood and soot and water.

The bomb squad was working on the bomb strapped to his chest. Seconds, that seemed like a lifetime to Kate ticked by. And then - it was over. They got the bomb off him and a collective cheer went up from the FBI men around them. That's all Kate had been waiting for. She barreled her way between the men and was in front of him in seconds. His eyes were still closed and for a minute she thought he was unconscious. "Rick" she whispered his name and his eyes snapped open. It was the sweetest sight Kate had ever seen. It had taken almost losing him for her to really understand what this man meant to her and she swore right then and there – no more 'if-onlys'. No more running. She would do whatever it took to show him exactly what he meant to her.


	6. Chapter 6

**I am on a roll! 2 Updates in one day. I am so proud of myself. Since the juices were flowing, I knocked this one out as well. It's kind of small, but I think it's a good place to end this chapter. As always reviews are welcome. Do let me know if anything seems out of place or OOC. **

**Usual disclaimers apply - I don't own anything. **

**As a refresher, here is the last paragraph from the last chapter (italicized portion) **

_His pristine white shirt was covered in blood and soot and water. The bomb squad was working on the bomb strapped to his chest. Seconds, that seemed like a lifetime to Kate ticked by. And then - it was over. They got the bomb off him and a collective cheer went up from the FBI men around them. That's all Kate had been waiting for. She barreled her way between the men and was in front of him in seconds. His eyes were still closed and for a minute she thought he was unconscious. "Rick" she whispered his name and his eyes snapped open. It was the sweetest sight Kate had ever seen. It had taken almost losing him for her to really understand what this man meant to her and she swore right then and there – no more 'if-onlys'. No more running. She would do whatever it took to show him exactly what he meant to her. _

_-X-X-X-_

Rick was certain he must have been hallucinating. His brain cells must have short circuited and he was seeing things. For standing in front of him was what appeared to be a very frazzled and unkempt Katherine Beckett. _Wait Katherine? Where was she?_

"Katherine…..Where is Katherine?" he said a little desperately. He gulped and tried to stand up, now that they had managed to free him from his various restraints.

Kate looked at him with concern and rushed forward to support him._ He never called her Katherine. _

"Rick, I'm right here." His knees buckled under him and he ended up in an awkward hug with Kate. That's when Kate saw the piece of glass sticking right out of the back of his right shin.

"Rick! We need to get you to a hospital."

He looked down at her and then at the agents surrounding them and repeated, "One of the hostages" he stopped and winced. "The manager – Katherine, where is she? Please tell me you got them all out."

"Yes Rick, we got them all out." Jordan stood behind Kate doing a slow inventory of his injuries. "They are being checked out by the paramedics outside. As for Katherine – she is on her way to the hospital as we speak." He nodded in relief and noticed Esposito standing next to Jordan. He smiled slightly and greeted the detective.

"Hey Espo – you look like shit man."

Esposito just shook his head and said, "Just glad to have you back bro."

Just then the EMTs arrived and Kate had to let Rick go. The paramedics got the piece of glass out of his leg and had it strapped up in no time. Seconds later Rick himself was strapped into their stretcher.

Its only when they started wheeling him out and Kate was being dragged out with the stretcher did she realize he had a death grip on her hand.

"Kate" he croaked from his supine position, trying to raise his head up.

"Right here Rick. Not going anywhere." She smiled warmly and ran her fingers through his hair affectionately.

He closed his eyes and they started to move again. Less than a minute later, his head popped up again. "Alexis!" He looked desperately at Kate. "Please tell me she isn't here"

"No Rick." Kate assured him. "She is her - in Camden. But not here…here. She is with Ryan at a safe-house close to this place"

"Just spoke Kevin. They are meeting us at the hospital." Esposito spoke from his left.

The ride to the hospital was a blur to Kate. The drive had been less than 2 miles and once they had made it through the sea of law enforcement cars and television vans outside, the had gone just a few blocks before pulling into the ER bay of Cooper University Hospital. Kate had thought she would have to fight to ride with Castle in the ambulance. But she had gotten surprisingly little resistance. It may have been due to the death grip Castle still had on her hand.

Kate was afraid she was starting to loose feeling in the hand. But she didn't care. As long as it meant he was alive and she had another chance with him, she was willing to live with a numb hand for the rest of her life. Kate was pulled out of her reverie by the sight of a distraught looking Alexis and Kevin standing by the ER doors. As soon as she saw her Kate and stretcher, she ran to them screaming, "Dad!"

When she reached them she looked down at her father and her breath caught in her throat. Kate knew the feeling. It was exactly what she had felt when she had seen him for the first time strapped to that on his part was doing his best to be his usual charming self.

"Hey, pumpkin. It's so good to see you."He brought his hand up to touch her . Mistake he realized immediately. It brought into sharp focus the ligature marks on his wrist.

Alexis grabbed a hold of his hand and gently ran a finger over the abrasion. "Daa-d" she managed to croak out before her eyes overflowed with suppressed tears and she broke down on her father's chest. Rick watched his daughter come unglued in front of his eyes and there wasn't anything he could do other than run his hand through her hair and tell her it looked worse than he felt. And then she was gone. Kate had gently pried Alexis away from her father's chest and taken her into her own arms, running her hands over the teen's back soothingly. Rick caught her eye and he mouthed a silent thank you to her before the paramedics started to wheel him away.

"Dad!"Alexis tried to break away from Kate to go after her father but Kate held onto her.

She took the girl's face in her hands and looked straight into her eyes. "Alexis, you need to be strong for just a little bit longer okay honey. He really needs to get checked out. Once he is settled in a room he is all yours sweetie. But I need you to be brave just a little bit longer okay?"

Something in Kate's eyes must have registered, for Alexis nodded reluctantly but looked forlornly in the direction her father had quickly made a decision and said, "How about this – stay here with Kevin, Esposito and Lanie. I will go stay with your dad and make sure he is not alone. Okay? That way if he needs you or if there is anything going on that you need to know about I will come get you. But they are going to be running all kinds of tests on him for a while and you really don't want to see that baby. Also Martha should be here any minute now. But if you want me stay with you, just say the word and I will have Kevin or Esposito go with him." By now Alexis was sitting in a chair between Lanie and Kevin and Kate was kneeling in front of her holding the girl's hands.

Alexis squeezed her hands once and whispered, "Go. I don't want him to be alone. I will be fine here."

Once again Kate was rendered speechless by the girl's maturity beyond her teenage years. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and squeezed Alexis' hands back and stood up. She looked over at Lanie who had one arm around Alexis' shoulder. She only said one word, "GO"

Kate moved swiftly towards the double doors she had seen the paramedics disappear through. On the other side of those doors, Castle was propped up on a bed with his shirt already stripped off and one of the nurses making good work on cutting off his jeans. Despite all his protests he had been unsuccessful in convincing them that he was more than capable of taking off his jeans. They did not want him to put unnecessary pressure on his left leg. This was the one that had the deep gash on the shin, thanks to the piece of glass that had lodged itself there after the explosion. So that was how Kate found him when she walked into the room. With one nurse cutting off his jeans, while another tried to clean the other gashes and scrapes all over his bruised and aching body.

"How is she?" were the first words out of his mouth when he saw her walk in. Kate didn't need to ask who he was talking about. Banged up as he was, his primary concern was for his daughter.

"Amazing" The word just popped out of her mouth and Rick started at her confused.

Kate shook her head and clarified. "Holding up amazingly well; considering the circumstances. I left her in the capable hands of Lanie and the boys. She wanted me keep you company. She didn't want you to be alone."Kate wrung her hands - suddenly nervous. After all that had happened in the last few weeks she wasn't sure he even wanted her to be there.

"Smart girl. And I am glad she didn't insist on coming in here. I wouldn't her to see her old man cry when his boo-boos are being patched up. " Rick smiled and promptly winced when it sent pain shooting up his banged -up cheek.

"You're going to have quite a shiner there Rick." Kate teased him trying to get his mind off all the poking and prodding that was currently going on. Kate remembered the feeling from her stay in the hospital and knew how awful it was.

"There we go", announced one of the nurses triumphantly. She was holding a pair of scissors and his now shredded jeans. Suddenly Rick felt very vulnerable. He was acutely aware that the only piece of clothing on his body now was his black silk boxers. And even those were completely drenched thanks to the water from the fire-hoses. He looked at Beckett from the corner of his eye and found her gaze glued onto his stomach…or at least he thought it was his stomach….unless….Whatever 'it'… part of his body she was staring at; she was looking at it like it was some alien thing she had never seen before.

"Beckett?" She didn't move nor stop staring.

"KATE", he said a little louder.

"Huh ….What?" Her gaze snapped up to meet his and he saw a blush starting to work its way up her neck.

Kate groaned inwardly. She had been caught staring…..no ogling Rick Castle's body…in a hospital ER no less. Kate wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

Rick on the other hand wished there was a thick blanket covering his body. In all his dreams and fantasies, when Rick had imagined Katherine Beckett staring down at his partially clothed body, it had not been like this.

"Okay how do you want to do this?" The nurse's voice snapped them both out of their musings.

"Do What?" They both snapped at the same time.

The nurse simply raised her eyebrows and indicated his boxers. "Take those off"

"Whattt" Again in unison, and in an elevated decibel.

The nurse hid a smile under a delicate cough and said in a calm clinical voice, "Mr Castle, you have multiple abrasions and cuts and bruises that need to be X-rayed, stitched up and looked at. Your boxers are drenched and it is hospital policy to wear a gown to said procedures - a dry one preferably. So in order to get your treatment started, we need to get you out of your boxers and into a hospital gown. How and with whose help - is your choice." The last part was said with a slight nod in Kate's direction.

"He'll manage", "I'll manage", they both squeaked at once.

Kate gave up any hopes of a dignified exit and rushed out of the room mumbling under her outside, she collapsed against the wall and bent down putting her hands on her knees. _WOW. What had just happened in there? _It was like her brain cells had taken leave. Seeing him safe and not as badly hurt as she had been imagining all day, seemed to have fried her sanity. Checking out a man in a hospital bed was a new low even for her. Thank god Lanie hadn't been witness to that! Or she would never live it down.

From inside she heard Rick's resigned voice say, "Just cut the darned thing off. The boxers that is" he added hastily. Kate fought down a giggle, but lost the battle and a beautiful smile broke out on her face. After everything that had happened today, it felt so good to be steps away from alive and kicking, albeit slightly grumpy and bruised Rick Castle. She quickly got out her phone and texted Alexis and Lanie. She gave them a quick update on his condition and promised to text again once she had more information.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the very short chapter. I think this is a good place to end this chapter. I will have a very slight time jump in the next one – which will be a longer chapter. But I didn't want to wait to finish that before posting this. So here it is - Chapter 7.

Usually disclaimers apply – I don't own anything.

_Kate gave up any hopes of a dignified exit and rushed out of the room mumbling under her breath.  
>Once outside, she collapsed against the wall and bent down putting her hands on her knees. WOW. What had just happened in there? It was like her brain cells had taken leave. Seeing him safe and not as badly hurt as she had been imagining all day, seemed to have fried her sanity. Checking out a man in a hospital bed was a new low even for her. Thank god Lanie hadn't been witness to that! Or she would never live it down. From inside she heard Rick's resigned voice say, "Just cut the darned thing off. The boxers that is" he added hastily. Kate fought down a giggle, but lost the battle and a beautiful smile broke out on her face. After everything that had happened today, it felt so good to be steps away from alive and kicking, albeit slightly grumpy and bruised Rick Castle. She quickly got out her phone and texted Alexis and Lanie. She gave them a quick update on his condition and promised to text again once she had more information. <em>

-x-x-x-

Once she had given Lanie and Alexis an update Kate sank down into one of the chairs outside Rick's room. A few minutes later the nurse who had cut Rick's jeans off came out of the room and told Kate it was safe to go in since Rick was 'decent' now. Kate was glad – she didn't think she could handle any more of shirtless, pant-less and hurt Rick. The mix of emotions the combination stirred up in her heart was dangerous. She walked back into the room cautiously and was surprised to see she was alone with him. He was now clad in the standard issue hospital gown and appeared to be sleeping. She was glad - she had not expected to be facing this situation so soon today. She had been so focused on getting him out safe and under medical care that she hadn't even considered the possibility of being alone in a room with him for the first time in weeks. Especially considering her last words to him had been to get out of her life. She had almost been granted that wish in a more permanent way today. She wished she could just rewind time and eat those words she had so cruelly thrown at him.

"I can hear those wheels spinning in your head Beckett. Come here and sit down before you give yourself a migraine."

Her eyes snapped up to meet his blue ones, smiling at her from the bed. _There it was_ she thought – his uncanny ability to read her mind or anticipate her needs before even she was aware of them. For a second the old Beckett surfaced and she was going to make a snarky remark, but then she did something so unexpected it surprised even her. Instead of impaling him with trademark glare she stuck her tongue out at him and dropped into the chair next to his bed.

Rick was so stunned he just looked at her with his jaw hanging open. This was just so un-Beckett! _What the hell!_

"What?" She was looking at him with narrowed eyes.

"Umm …no…Nothing."

Kate knew exactly what he was thinking. And she wasn't ready to have THAT discussion with him yet. A plan had started to form in her mind and it definitely did not involve getting into a heart-to-heart in an ER. So she promptly changed the subject before they strayed into emotional territory.

"How are you feeling Rick?"

"Like crap." But he smiled when he said it. "I hurt in places I didn't know I could hurt." He sighed and touched the right side of his face and then his lip gingerly.

Kate quickly got up and eyeing an icepack on the table by his bed, gently applied it to his cheek. And even though she had decided she wasn't going to, she couldn't resist running her fingers through his hair. He caught her hand and lacing his fingers through hers said in a soft voice, "I didn't know if I'd see you today Kate."

Kate's eyes teared up at the look in his eyes and she said hoarsely, "Rick how –"

Just then the doctor walked in and the next few minutes were spent in the doctor doing a thorough examination of Rick's injuries. Kate stepped out of the room in order to give him some privacy. Once the doctor had completed his examination, Kate walked back in. She felt another wave of tenderness overcome her when she saw how exhausted Rick looked. But he had a determined look on his face and was engaged in a staring match with the doctor. Kate hid a smile and walked over to Rick's bedside.

The doctor looked at her and said in a resolute voice, "We have to run some scans to make sure there are no internal injuries or broken bones. We also need to stitch up the laceration on his leg which is going to be a minor surgery on its own. Once we've done that he will be moved to a regular room."

"No way…."

The words were barely out of Rick's mouth when Kate quickly interjected, "Thank you Dr Sheldon. How soon will he be done with the tests? His family is in the waiting room outside and is really eager to see him…as you can imagine."

"The scans will take about 30 minutes. Soon after, I will need to suture the wound on his leg. So I'd say he should be in his room within the next hour or so."

"Hey I'm still here you know! Quit acting like I'm not."Kate did her signature eye roll and then smiled and thanked the doctor.

The doctor nodded and fixing Rick with another stern look said, "I'll be back once you're done with the scans."

No sooner had the doctor set foot outside the room than Rick started up again. "I WANT TO GO HOME KATE."

"Rick, you have just been through a horrible ordeal and your body needs the rest and care you can get in a hospital. Not sitting in a car for an hour or more trying to get home"

Rick snorted and said, "Look who's talking."

Kate narrowed her eyes and said, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You aren't exactly the poster child for listening to medical professionals when they say your body needs rest and care."

Kate knew he was just picking a fight but it still got her hackles up. "Heyyy"

He raised an eyebrow and asked "Hey what? Don't have anything to say do ya."

_Oh Boy_, _he is really itching for fight_, thought Kate. While she knew where some of this might be coming from, she also knew this wasn't the place or the time to get into it with she injected as much sincerity as she could in her voice and said, "Rick I know you are tired and hurting and want to go home. I get it. I really do. And if I didn't think you needed it, I would spring you out in a heartbeat. But passing out from a possible concussion or worse bleeding out from the wound in your leg, is not something you want Alexis or Martha to have to deal with do you? They are scared enough as it is. Just stay the night, or what's left of it okay? Then tomorrow we can reassess the situation."

Rick continued to stare at her for a second after her little speech. But then something seemed to shift in his eyes and he sighed and conceded defeat. "Okay. But one night that's all. After that I am out of this place and this STATE! Even if it means I have to crawl out on my belly."

Kate bit back a smile and nodded, "Deal. Now I'm going to go and give Alexis and Martha an update. Do you need anything?"

He shook his head wearily and said, "No chance you can convince her to go home is there?

"Rick."

"I know, I know….she isn't going to leave. It's just that she has been through enough today. I would just feel so much better if she was home – safely ensconced in her own bed."

" She is a tough cookie Rick." He could hear the tenderness in Kate's voice. "I promise you I will make sure she is doing okay. And as soon as they are done with your tests and have you stitched up, they will both be here with you. So don't worry okay?"

Once again he nodded smiled and planting a quick kiss on his forehead started to walk out. She had just made it to the door when she heard him say softly, "Thank you Kate."

Kate was afraid if she turned and looked at him she would probably start bawling like a baby. So she swallowed past the lump in her throat and just nodded. Then turning the knob she walked out of the room.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N : Here its is Chapter 8. Starts with an excerpt from the end of Chapter 7. Italicized part is from the earlier chapter. Enjoy!**

**Usual disclaimers apply. I don't own anything. I am only borrowing the characters and having some fun with them.**

_"I know, I know….she isn't going to leave. It's just that she has been through enough today. I would just feel so much better if she was home – safely ensconced in her own bed."  
>" She is a tough cookie Rick." He could hear the tenderness in Kate's voice. "I promise you I will make sure she is doing okay. And as soon as they are done with your tests and have you stitched up, they will both be here with you. So don't worry okay?" Once again he nodded tiredly. <em>

_Kate smiled and planting a quick kiss on his forehead started to walk out. She had just made it to the door when she heard him say softly, "Thank you Kate."  
>Kate was afraid if she turned and looked at him she would probably start bawling like a baby. So she swallowed past the lump in her throat and just nodded. Then turning the knob she walked out of the room. <em>

-x -x-

When Kate walked back into the waiting room, Alexis launched herself out of her grandmother's arms.

"How is he?"

"He's doing fine Alexis. They just took him to do the x-rays and scans. The doctor said he didn't expect to see anything major on the scans. Once that is done they are going to stitch up the lacerations on his leg. They do want him to stay here for the rest of the day today to make sure he doesn't have a concussion. As you can imagine, he is not too happy about it."

For the first time that day Kate saw a smile break out on Alexis' young face. "I can imagine"

She looked at Lanie and the boys and said, "It's been a long day guys, why don't you head home?"

"Without seeing writer boy? Not a chance!" Lanie smiled and said, "Call us when he gets back in his room."

Kate shook her head and smiled. "Come on let' go see if your Dad is back." She slung an arm around Alexis' shoulders and gave the girl a sideways hug. Together she, Martha and Alexis walked towards Castle's room. Once inside, Alexis made a beeline for the reclining arm chair and curled into it. Martha settled into a chair to her left. Kate chose the swiveling stool on the other side of the bed. She folded her arms on the bed and rested her chin in it. Alexis was asleep in minutes. Martha grabbed one of the blankets sitting on the table by the bed and wrapped it around Alexis. Watching them, Kate suddenly felt like an outsider…..and worse – a fraud. After having no contact with them for two weeks, here she was – acting like she was a part of their family. And they were letting her – no questions asked.

"Thank you Detective Beckett. …..for everything you did today." Martha's words snapped Kate out of her thoughts. Martha was standing by her side and Kate could see sheen in the woman's eyes. Kate felt even worse now. Martha was not only letting Kate be here, she was even thanking her! The woman really was a class act.

Kate quickly spoke up before she lost her nerve. "Martha please…you don't have to thank me. You know what he means ….." Kate looked down and swallowed the lump in her throat. She found it hard to continue. How does one tell the mother of the person you hurt badly, how much that person really means to you? Kate decided she was just going to jump into it.

She looked straight into Martha's eyes and continued, "Or maybe you don't. I haven't exactly been very forthcoming about my feelings in the past I am so sorry about that. He deserves better. I also know I hurt him badly when I asked him to leave me alone. And believe me; I WILL make it up to him. But if there is one thing I have learnt in the last 16 days, 10 hrs and …" she looked down at her watch and continued, "24 minutes – it's that life without Richard Castle in it is not something I want to consider anymore." Kate smiled as she said this.

An answering smile broke out on Martha's face. She threw her arms up in a dramatic gesture and said, "Halleluiah! What took you so long?"

Kate smiled and wiped her eyes. "Just block-headed I guess."

Martha was about to respond when the door opened and Rick was wheeled in. Alexis was woken by the noise and upon seeing Rick immediately began bombarding her him with questions about his health.

"I am fine sweetheart. Just a few cuts and bruises. Nothing serious. Right Doctor?" He looked pointedly at the doctor when he said this.

The doctor responded with a somewhat pained but resigned expression, "Yes Miss Castle. Your father is doing well…. considering what he has been through." He paused and after giving a sideways glance at his patient then continued quickly, "But he needs to take it easy for the next few days. He has broken ribs, and multiple contusions. He also needs to be watched for a possible concussion. And last but not least – there is the laceration on his shin. It was pretty deep and took 43 stitches. He needs to keep his weight off that leg for the next 2 weeks. Even after that he will need to do physical therapy before he can have full and normal use of his leg. "

Rick was openly glaring at the doctor by now. He had specifically told the doctor NOT to give them the whole rundown. He was only slightly appeased by what the doctor had to say next.

"As much as I would like to keep him overnight Mr Castle insists on going home. I am willing to discharge him today as long as someone can keep an eye on him for the next 24-36 hrs. He needs to be woken every 4-6 hours. If he doesn't wake up immediately or is confused or disoriented, he needs to be seen by a doctor. His leg wound needs to remain clean and dry for the next 48 hours. He will need to have the stitches taken out on day 5. I will have detailed instructions on wound care on the discharge papers. Other than that he is good to go. Any questions?"

The doctor looked like he couldn't wait to get out of there. Not that Kate could blame him. Considering the daggers Rick was currently shooting at the man it was a miracle he was still standing.

"Thank you Doctor I will make sure he adheres to all the instructions in the discharge packet." Martha smiled at the young doctor warmly. He nodded and said tiredly, " I will have the nurse complete the discharge packet in a few minutes. After that you are good to go." With a last muttered "Good luck" he was gone leaving Rick alone with three women who were looking at him with matching annoyed expressions on their faces.

"What?" he asked belligerently.

He was met with a chorus of "Daaad","Castle", "Richard"

"Look I don't care what anyone has to say, I want to get out of this damned hospital and this damned city for that matter. I just need to make one stop on the way." He ran a hand through his hair distractedly and then winced when it made contact with the gigantic goose egg that had made its home on his temple.

"A stop on the way? Richard! Are you crazy? Its 5 a.m my dear. Who pray tell are you planning on visiting at this hour?"

"It's in the hospital mother! I wasn't planning on driving anywhere."

"In the hospital? But who…" she trailed of looking at Kate. Kate shrugged he shoulders. She had no idea what he was talking about either.

"Beckett, can you check and see what room Katherine is in? I don't know her last name but she was one of the hostages. Jordan said she was in the hospital. Shouldn't be too hard to find her – she's the pregnant one. She looked like she was ready to deliver any minute."

Kate nodded mutely and left the room. Who was this Katherine? Rick had even asked about her when they were getting ready to leave for the hospital. She quickly called Esposito and asked him to find out about this woman Rick seemed to be so concerned about. Once she had all the necessary information she walked back into the room and said without preamble, "Room 403 – maternity floor. She had her baby soon after they brought her in. Both mom and baby are doing fine."

"Oh thank god!" Rick closed his eyes and rested his head back against the pillows. Martha glanced sideways at Kate and raised her eyebrows. Kate once again shrugged her shoulders as if to say,_ I don't know what's going on either. _

Rick opened his eyes and said resolutely, "Mother, Alexis …could you go find me something to wear out of this darned place. I don't care if it's a pair of scrubs. Just so long as it covers my backside I will be happy."

"Dad! Why don't you just stay here today? Gram and I will stay here with you. Detective Beckett too."

"Alexis…" , he began tiredly. Just then Martha interjected. "Alexis, let's go find him something to wear. " When the teen opened her mouth to argue, Martha shook her head and put and arm around her shoulders, steering her out of the room. That left Kate alone with Rick once again.

She walked over to his bed and squeezed his hand. After tying to keep a distance from him all these years, she suddenly couldn't seem to want to stop touching him! Kate knew him well enough to know there was a reason he had sent Martha and Alexis out of the room. He wanted to talk to her about something. Just as she opened her mouth to ask him, he spoke.

"There was someone else in that room with me before the explosives went off. He was one of the terrorists but was tied up in the same room as me. Can you find out his whereabouts from Agent Shaw or whoever? I want to know where he is and if he is alive."

"Rick.."

"Just do it Beckett. Don't ask me any questions now. I will tell you everything later. Just find out where he is." He was quiet for a second before continuing, "Also what happened to the others? The other terrorists I mean ….and the diplomat?"

"Honestly Rick? I don't know. Once I set foot inside that building, my only focus was finding you. One of them could have walked right past me and I wouldn't have known. And I haven't talked to Jordan since then so I have no idea what may or may not have happened." Kate realized this was the most honest she had been about how she really felt where Rick was concerned.

Just then Alexis and Martha walked in with the requested items in their arms. They had managed to find a pair of scrubs as well as a hoodie from the hospital gift shop. They had also managed to find a pair of socks and shoes in his size.

After an awkward moment of everyone wondering about who would help Rick into said items, Kate once again found herself alone with Rick. Martha had herded Alexis out saying something about getting the discharge process going. Kate hadn't missed the quick little wink and smile she had given her on the way out. Once the two had left the room Kate turned around to face the man in the bed and the prospect of getting him dressed.

Rick pretended like he was examining the clothes his mother and brought him but was watching Kate out of the corner of his eye. She was fiddling with her hair and chewing on her lower lip. Classic nervous - Beckett signs. He would have smiled except for the fact that he was not looking forward to the prospect of getting into these clothes with Kate's help. He'd had numerous fantasies about her getting him OUT of his clothes. He didn't look forward to her getting him INTO them while he was laid out in a hospital bed. He put on a game face and sighing said, "Let's make this easy on ourselves okay? Just help me get the pants up to my knees. I will do the rest."

Kate didn't argue. Instead she took the pants out of his hands and did as he asked – sliding them all the way up to his knees. She then turned around to give him privacy while he pulled them the rest of the way up. Seconds later she heard his hiss of pain. She turned around and was back by his bedside in an instant. He was lying back against the pillows, his face screwed up in pain. "Rick, you have broken ribs and god knows what else. Forget modesty for a minute and just let me help okay?"

He nodded without arguing. Just the fact that he did so told Kate how much pain he was currently in. "Okay so lift up as much as you can and I will pull them up the rest of the way okay?" Again eyes closed, just a nod. "Okay when I say lift, you lift." Kate bent over him and took a hold of the pants. "LIFT"

As soon as he lifted his lower body off the bed she yanked the pants up to his waist. But even that movement seemed to have caused him pain. His mouth was a tight line and there was sweat forming on his forehead.

"Rick" Kate said tenderly. He slowly opened his eyes and managed a small smile, "Did you peek?"

Kate smiled and shook her head. "No I saved that for later", she replied softly. She hoped he got her meaning. Judging by the eyebrows going up, she thought he did.

"Come on tiger let's get your shirt on." She asked him to sit up a little so she could get to the ties behind his back. Once he did as she indicated, she eased the gown off his upper body. She sucked in an involuntary breath when she saw the taped up ribs and the black and blue bruises that were starting to form around them. She knew from experience, those would hurt worse in a day or two than they did right now.

She quickly eased the scrubs top over his head. Though she knew it probably hurt like hell, he managed to get both arms through the sleeves. She repeated the process with the hoodie and then walked to the end of the bed to put on his socks. Despite having dressed and undressed lovers numerous times over the years, the act of putting on Rick Castle's socks made Kate blush. It somehow struck her as a very intimate act. She managed to get them on without passing out and walked back to the head of the bed.

"Help me sit up."

"Okay" Kate put her arms under his while he sat up. Between the two of them they managed to get him upright. Next, came the task of getting him into the wheelchair. Kate took hold of his legs and gently eased them over the side of the bed. Suddenly she found herself standing between Rick's legs. Her hands were resting on his thighs and she was nose to nose with his handsome face….and she didn't want to move - ever.

"Kate?" Rick asked huskily.

She looked into his eyes and felt an overwhelming urge to hug him. She slowly eased her hands off his thighs. Rick immediately felt the loss. He had been savoring the feel of her hands on his thighs. He didn't know what had made Kate go all touchy-feely. He was sure it had to do with his adventure today, but it was still very un-Beckett. But he wasn't complaining. Just as he thought she would move away from him she managed to surprise him yet again.

The hands that had been resting on his thighs were now resting on his shoulders. She moved forward and rested her forehead against his. He saw her swallow and then speak in a voice thick with emotion, "I am so glad you are okay Rick. There were so many times today when I thought I'd lost you. It was the worst feeling ever. The last time I felt this way was when I lost my mother. What made it worse this time was the fact that the last words I'd said to you were for you to get out of my life. That almost happened today Rick. I don't ever want to feel like that again. " She sniffed and then closing her eyes gently touched his lips with hers. It was a very chaste kiss considering his split lip. But Rick felt every ounce of desperation in it.

"Kate, you're killing me here." He brought his hands to rest on her waist. There was so much he wanted to do and say to her. But now was not the time. Kate smiled and took a step back from him.

"Your chariot awaits." She indicated the wheelchair by the bed. Rick sighed and bracing himself for some serious pain eased off the bed and into the wheelchair with Kate's help.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N : So here it is – the chapter that will shed some light on Kate's actions. Hope I did her justice. _

_Disclaimer – Don't own anything. _

_The hands that had been resting on his thighs were now resting on his shoulders. She moved forward and rested her forehead against his. He saw her swallow and then speak in a voice thick with emotion, "I am so glad you are okay Rick. There were so many times today when I thought I'd lost you. It was the worst feeling ever. The last time I felt this way was when I lost my mother. What made it worse this time was the fact that the last words I'd said to you were for you to get out of my life. That almost happened today Rick. I don't ever want to feel like that again. " She sniffed and then closing her eyes gently touched his lips with hers. It was a very chaste kiss considering his split lip. But Rick felt every ounce of desperation in it._

"_Kate, you're killing me here." He brought his hands to rest on her waist. There was so much he wanted to do and say to her. But now was not the time. Kate smiled and took a step back from him. _

"_Your chariot awaits." She indicated the wheelchair by the bed. Rick sighed and bracing himself for some serious pain eased off the bed and into the wheelchair with Kate's help. _

-X-X-

It was close to 8.00 a.m by the time they pulled up in front of Rick's building. In the end they had decided to forgo the car service and had instead settled on riding with Kate and the boys. Rick had stretched out in the backseat of Kate's car with Alexis in the front. Martha rode with Lanie and Esposito, with Ryan bringing up the rear. Kate was still wondering why Rick had insisted on this arrangement. With his money and privileges, he could have waited to get something way more comfortable than her car. But for some odd reason he hadn't. They had all been wondering about how they were going to get Rick upstairs without a wheelchair. They needn't have worried though. Martha had called ahead and they found the doorman waiting just inside the building with a wheelchair! As soon as he saw them pull up to the curb he brought it outside.

The boys and Lanie had decided to head home, so now it was just her, Martha and Alexis in the loft with Castle. Kate had to brace herself upon entering the loft. The last time she had been in here was the day she had said those awful things to him. She was also starting to feel nervous about how Martha and Alexis felt about her being there. Had they expected her to leave with the rest of her team? But how could she leave? She had as much as told Castle that she was done running. If she left now, what would that say about her?

In the end her nerves proved to be just that – nerves. Neither Martha nor Alexis showed any signs of discomfort in regards to her being there. No sooner had they entered the loft than they were fussing around Rick with questions about whether he wanted to sit or sleep or watch TV. As for Rick, the adrenaline was definitely wearing off. Combine that with the variety of pain medication and he was falling asleep where he sat in the wheelchair.

In the end it was Kate who suggested it would probably be best if they moved him to his bed so he could get some sleep and much needed rest.

It was about an hour later and Kate was putting the omelets and toast she had made on the breakfast counter. She had just taken the orange juice out of the freezer when Alexis walked into the kitchen. Before Kate knew what was happening, she was enveloped in a fierce embrace from behind.

"Thank you." Alexis said softly before letting her go.

Kate turned around and looked at the teenager. "For what honey?"

Alexis gave a small smile and replied, "For being there for him…for us. I know you hadn't talked to each other in a while." She stopped and looked away awkwardly. Kate took a deep breath thinking, _it's now or never_. It was time to come clean. She owed Alexis that much. She handed Alexis a plate filled with the omelet and directed the teen to one of the breakfast stools. She placed herself on the one next to Alexis and began talking.

"Alexis, I don't know how much your father has told you about ….about my past."

Alexis looked at Kate and said somberly, "He told me about what happened to your mom. I am so sorry Kate."

"It's okay." Kate smiled slightly then sighed. "I became a cop because of that ….and because of her. She always stood up for the truth no matter what the cost. She was my universe, you know? And then one day she was gone. Just like that, my word turned upside down. For a while there I lost my dad too." Kate had to gulp down the emotions that were rising up to her throat, but she had tamped them down and continued. "But then I joined the NYPD, and Captain Montgomery took me under his wings. My job became my life and I hid behind the badge. Even when I was in a relationship it was always with one foot out the door." She paused again and the smiled gently, "And then your father barged his way into my life. And all those defenses I had built around myself began to dissolve and I found myself having fun for a change. At first he was just the pesky ride-along I was forced to put up with. But the more I hung out with him the more drawn I was to the real Rick Castle. And before I knew it I fell for him – hook, line and sinker."

Kate pulled a Kleenex out of the box on the counter and dabbed at her eyes. "But then it all started up again. We found the guy who ordered the hit on my mom. Although we never found out who was really pulling the strings, we knew they were out there somewhere. Then the unthinkable happened – Captain Montgomery was killed trying to protect me from them and I ended up getting shot."

Alexis had finished her breakfast by then so Kate took her plate and walked over to the sink to rinse out. _Here comes the really hard part, but I can't believe how cathartic this feel, s_he thought to herself. She switched off the water and turned around to face Alexis again.

"I broke Alexis. Or something inside of me broke. I didn't even realize it had happened until it was too late. Over the last 5 months I have been going through the motions of living when in fact I have been dying inside. I didn't know how to act or what to say to Rick. I was just so angry all the time. I had turned into this person I didn't recognize anymore. So I pushed…..I pushed at anyone and everyone even trying to get close – including your dad and mine."

Kate took a deep breath and continued, "It all came to a head 3 days ago. It was the anniversary of the day she was killed. My dad and I visit her grave every year and spend the day together talking about her…..keeping her alive in our hearts. But this year…..I didn't even call him Alexis. I spent the whole day in bed feeling sorry for myself, never thinking about what I must have put him through. It was 9 at night when he finally showed up on my doorstep. When I opened the door and looked into his eyes, I knew - I knew I had hit rock bottom. I will never forget the haunted look in his eyes Alexis."

Kate swallowed around the lump in her throat. Alexis didn't say a word but handed Kate the box of tissues. "At first he just stared at me wordlessly. And then he got mad – real mad. Everyone has been walking on eggshells around me these last few months, but he didn't hold anything back. Told me what a fool I have been to bury myself in this obsession." Kate chuckled mirthlessly. "My 67 year old father, who lost his best friend of 50 years so tragically, reminded me that there was so much more to life than chasing down some ghosts. I was so ashamed I couldn't look him in the eye. We went to her grave at 10 that night and I made a vow to her. I vowed that I was not going to bury myself in this anymore. I was going to start living my life to the fullest like she had. I was going to give true happiness a chance, like she had. I owed it to her."

"I have been mustering up the courage to call Rick for the last 3 days. I just didn't know how to go about it. And then this happened." She walked over to Alexis and took the girl's hands into her own and looked into her eyes solemnly.

"There is a reason I am telling you this Alexis. I want you to know, my being here today is not just because I suddenly realized he was important to me when faced with the prospect of losing him ….okay? Sooner or later I was going to muster up the courage to one- apologize to him and two – show him what he means to me. And I fully intend on doing that. I want to make it up to him Alexis. I want you to know I am done running Lex. I love your father… and if he will have me, I intend to show him just how much. You okay with that?" Kate asked a little hesitantly. These were things she hadn't even shared with Lanie. But she had just vomited all her pent up emotions on this unimaginably mature, but teenage daughter of the man she loved. She didn't know what reaction she was going to get.

Alexis stared into her eyes solemnly for a few seconds and then a smile broke out on her young face and she once again hugged Kate. They stayed that way for a while and then Kate broke away saying, "Just one more thing Lex…..could you ummm….not tell your father about the ….ummm…the lo-love thing? Kate barely managed to get the words out.

Alexis threw her head back and laughed. "Sure thing Kate, it will be our little secret." She winked conspiratorially.

"What will be your little secret darlings?"

"That Kate is madly in love with Dad!" Alexis declared promptly.

"Alexisssss" Kate hissed at her, her cheeks turning a flaming red.

"Awww you're cute when you're blushing **Detective Beckett**"

Martha just shook her head and smiled. She had been heading down when she had heard the conversation between her granddaughter and the detective and had decided to wait upstairs. Though she had heard every word that had been exchanged, she pretended she hadn't. She was just happy the detective had finally gotten her act straight. It was about time. Between their talk in the hospital and this Martha had no doubt in her mind that her son was in good hands. Hopefully he would have enough sense to marry this one and then have the sense to stay married to her!

**A/N – I know this was a kind of small chapter folks. I knew some of you wanted to know some of the feelings behind Kate's behavior. Hopefully this shed some light on it. I drew from some of my own feelings after losing my mom to cancer when I was only 27. Soon after I myself had to undergo a lifesaving (not cancer) surgery myself and there were days when I was just so damn angry about it all, I couldn't think straight. So anyway….not to get into too serious territory….I am more than fine now. Have precious twin toddler girls and life is good I just hope this sheds some light on Kate's actions (or lack thereof) in the months since her shooting. **


	10. Chapter 10

"_Alexisssss" Kate hissed at her, her cheeks turning a flaming red. _

"_Awww you're cute when you're blushing __**Detective Beckett**__" _

_Martha just shook her head and smiled. She had been heading down when she had heard the conversation between her granddaughter and the detective and had decided to wait upstairs. Though she had heard every word that had been exchanged, she pretended she hadn't. She was just happy the detective had finally gotten her act straight. It was about time. Between their talk in the hospital and this Martha had no doubt in her mind that her son was in good hands. Hopefully he would have enough sense to marry this one and then have the sense to stay married to her! _

"So what are you going to do about it Detective?" Martha's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"About what?" Kate was still blushing furiously. For an intensely private person, the last few minutes had been a ….revelation. She was still coming to terms with the fact that she had just unloaded on Alexis and confessed undying love for the girl's father.

"About what you just told Alexis. And you have my word; I will not breathe a word of it to my son. But only if you promise to…..breathe said words to him." Martha waved her hand as if to say _you get the point_.

Kate nodded and said softly, "I fully intend to. But I don't want to do it right away. Like I said I don't want him to think I am only saying it now because of what happened yesterday. I want to show him how I feel, so that when I DO tell him, he will know I truly mean it." She paused and continued, "Which brings me to my next request." She gulped and said, "I have weeks of vacation stacked up that the Captain has wanted me to take for some time now. I am thinking of taking her up on that offer. Since Rick has to stay off his feet I thought maybe I could take the time off and help you guys here. That way YOU don't have to take time off AND I get to spend some time with him" She stopped again and then said all at once, " Butonlyifyouareokaywithit." When both women continued to stare at her, she started talking again, "I know you have been busy travelling and doing so much for your school. And Alexis has school too. So I wanted to see if you would be okay with me helping Rick…."

Kate realized she was rambling but didn't know how to stop. She was so afraid one of them was going to tell her that she had some nerve. She needn't have worried though. Martha came to her rescue saying, "That sounds like a wonderful idea dear. Don't you agree Alexis?" Alexis nodded enthusiastically and Kate felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She closed her eyes and said softly but sincerely, "Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me."

"I think we do dear, I think we do."

They finished their breakfast and Kate helped clean and put away the dishes while Alexis checked in on her dad. He was knocked out. Between the pain meds and sheer exhaustion, Kate didn't think he would be waking up anytime soon. Kate also managed to convince Martha to take a nap herself. She could see the exhaustion in the older woman's eyes. Kate had a harder time convincing Alexis to do the same but finally got through to her with logic. There was no point in all of them being exhausted and running on adrenaline she explained. Rick was going to need a lot of help and they wouldn't be any good to him if they were all dead on their feet. It made more sense to take shifts. And since keeping crazy hours was part of her job description, it only made sense that she takes the first one. After a moment of thought Alexis finally gave into the exhaustion and went upstairs on the condition that Kate woke her up when her dad woke up.

Once she was alone Kate quickly made a call to the Captain and put in her request for vacation. Given the situation and that the Captain herself had been pestering Kate into taking some time off, her leave was approved immediately. She quickly texted updates to Ryan, Esposito and Lanie. With all the logistics taken care of she quietly made her way into Rick's bedroom. She felt weird being in here with him. Before today they had never spent any time in his room. She slowly made her way to the bed and sank down next to the sleeping form.

Kate felt a wave of tenderness sweeping over her. She couldn't resist herself and bent down and gently kissed his cheek. He didn't even stir. Kate smiled and stood. She grabbed the armchair that had been sitting in a corner by a small desk and dragged it close to the bed. She sank into it gratefully and propped her feet on the bed. She had only been meaning to rest for a bit. But her eyes drifted closed of their own volition and she was soon fast asleep. She had no idea how long she stayed that way but she was jolted out of her sleep by a sound.

At first she was a little disoriented, but then it all came back to her. She was in Castle's room and the sound that had woken her up was Rick thrashing around in his bed. It looked like he was having a nightmare. She quickly moved to the bed and grabbed his shoulders.

"Rick. Shhhh its okay. It's just a nightmare….wake up Rick." She thought he hadn't heard her. But then his eyes snapped open and he was stared at her like she was a vision.

"Kate?" he asked hoarsely.

"Yes it's me." She stared at him for a minute and then suddenly placed her hand against his forehead. "My god Rick! You're burning up." She pulled the comforter down to his waist and saw that the scrubs top from the hospital was soaked in sweat and sticking to his skin.

"Water…. Can you get me some water?"

Kate ran out of his room and got a glass from the kitchen. Filling it with water from the bathroom, she set it on the nightstand.

She bent down and said gently, "Lift your head up."

When he did as she instructed she eased herself slightly behind him to support him and then held the glass of water to his lips. He drained the whole glass and muttered a barely audible "Thanks". He sank back against her chest and all Kate wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and stay like that forever. But he needed medical attention and in his current condition Kate was worried even the ride to the hospital in the car would be too much. But what other option did they have?

"Rick we need to get you to a hospital" Kate eased him back down and sat next to him.

"No hospital."

"Rick….you're burning up! You NEED to see doctor and we can't do that by staying here."

"We can. 43C – Dr Janet Shelley. Get her."

At first Kate couldn't understand what he was saying. But then she got it.

"Your neighbor is a doctor?"

He just nodded, too tired to speak. Kate quickly walked over to the dresser and started rummaging through the drawers looking for a t-shirt. She found one and returned to Rick's side.

"Let's get you out of this wet shirt first." When he didn't respond she held his face in her hands and said gently. "Come on sleeping beauty, let me change your shirt and then you can go back to sleep and I will go get your neighbor." Although Kate would have been much more comfortable with a hospital she could see that there was no way they could get him to a hospital by themselves.

Rick finally opened his fevered eyes and made a valiant effort to get up. Kate quickly supported him and propped some pillows behind his back. Once he was upright, she gently urged the scrub top up and over his head. Just as quickly she brought the clean t-shirt over his head and smoothed it down his chest. She smiled when she saw that the t-shirt she had grabbed had a picture of superman on the front.

"Okay I am going to go get the doctor. You gonna be okay for a bit?" He nodded slightly but kept his eyes closed.

Kate quickly got up and left his room. She almost ran into Alexis who was on her way in from the study adjacent to Rick's room.

"What happened? Is it Dad? Is he …?"

"He is fine Alexis. But I need you to do me a favor. Can you go over and get your neighbor from 43C?

"Janet?" Alexis had an even more worried look on her face now. "What's going ok Kate? Why do we need Janet?" She had started to move towards Rick's room by now.

Kate didn't stop her but said quickly but forcefully, "Rick is running a fever Alexis. He needs to be seen by a doctor ASAP. But given his current condition, he suggested we call Dr Shelley first."

Alexis had reached her dad's room by now and took a quick peek in before turning back to Kate and gathering herself up.

"I'll go get her. It will be so much faster if she sees a familiar face." Her eyes were still troubled but she marched resolutely towards the door.

If Rick could have seen her then his eyes would have shone with pride. Despite her concern for her dad's health Alexis had made a quick and smart decision.

Kate walked back into Rick's room and sat down on the bed next to him. Within minutes Alexis was back with a stunning blonde woman. Kate quickly got up and introduced herself. Once the introductions were out of the way, Janet sat down next to Rick and started doing a thorough examination. She checked his vitals and then his wound.

"I don't see any kind of discharge or redness around the laceration. Plus he isn't exhibiting any of the other signs of an infection." She looked at Alexis and said, "Given what you told me, I think this fever he is running is probably due to the trauma his body has been through in the last 2 days rather than an infection. Here is what I would suggest - watch him closely. Take his temperature every few hours. If it starts going up too much, you need to take him to the hospital. I doubt it will come to that though. I think this is simply his body's reaction to what he has been through. The next 48 hours or so are crucial. If his fever doesn't break by then or goes up, or if you start seeing anything unusual in his wound; take him to a hospital ASAP."

Both Kate and Alexis nodded in response to the doctor's orders.

"Okay, I am going to be home for the next two days. I'll come by to check him again in the evening. We can reassess his condition then. In the meantime just make sure he's getting enough fluids."

After Kate had thanked the doctor, Alexis walked the woman out and Kate returned to her vigil by Rick's bedside. The next 48 hours were a blur to Kate. The women took turns watching Rick. Although his fever hadn't broken yet, it hadn't gone up either. Janet had been by twice a day as promised and had not seen anything alarming in Rick's condition. She had also changed his dressings and announced that his wound from the laceration seemed to be healing very nicely.

It was now day 3 since they had gotten back from the hospital. Rick's fever had finally broken and they had all breathed a collective sigh of relief. Martha had retired to her room after having spent a good amount of time with her son. Alexis was with him now. Kate had volunteered to clean up after dinner giving Rick and her some father daughter time. Rick had been feeling better by the hour. He was up longer and talking a lot more. He was also looking better than he had in a while.

Just as she had put the last glass away and was walking out of the kitchen, she saw Alexis walk out of her father's room. She gave Kate a quick wink and whispered conspiratorially; "He's all yours." Kate gulped and gave Alexis a wan smile. She was at once really looking forward to and dreading this. It would be the first time in a long time that she would be spending time alone with Rick; other than the couple of minutes they had been alone at the hospital. Wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans she made her way to his room.

The door was halfway open and she took a quick peek in before opening it all the way and rushing to his bed.

"Rick, what the heck are you doing?"

She stared agape at the man in front of her. He had somehow managed to get both his legs off the bed and was currently trying, rather unsuccessfully – to stand up on his own.

"Kate? What the heck are you doing here?"

Rick saw a flash of pain cross her eyes and cursed to himself. He hadn't meant for it to come out like an accusation. He was just surprised to see her here still. His brain was still fuzzy from the last two days and he thought he had seen her by his bedside urging him to drink something or take some pills. But he had convinced his pain and fever addled brain that she was just a fiction of his imagination. And yet here she was now– in the flesh; Standing before him looking vulnerable and strong at the same time.

"Stopping you from trying to kill yourself!" Her words snapped him out of his musings. She stood in front of him with her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face. "What are you trying to do?"

"I just want to go to the bathroom." He gritted out. Suddenly a vision of Kate and Alexis helping him into the bathroom came to his mind and he closed his eyes. He had been so out of it the last two days, it was a wonder her hadn't wet his bed. At least he didn't think he had. He absolutely hated feeling like an invalid, but he would die before he spent another minute in the stinky bed, in his smelly clothes. He needed a shower and by god he was going to get one.

"I need to take a shower. I smell like shit and feel like it too. So unless you plan on giving me a sponge bath, I suggest you help me into the bathroom. If not – then leave me the hell alone. "He knew he was acting like a prick. But he was beyond caring. He was tired, his leg hurt like crap, and he really needed to pee. Plus, he hated the fact that after all this time, he finally had Kate Beckett's undivided attention and he was not looking or feeling his best. So now, all the anger he had felt, but had suppressed since her parting words that awful day; seemed to suddenly be bubbling up to the surface.

Kate on her part was having a hard time maintaining an even face. Although she knew she deserved every ounce of his anger and that he was just simply cranky given his condition; it still hurt.

She squared her shoulders and looked down at him. "Okay then let's do this together. I'll help you up and you can try taking a few steps. If you can do it, we can continue to the bathroom. If not, then we'll use the wheelchair for now. I'll help you into the bathroom and then give you some privacy. Let me know when you're done and we can figure out the shower part." She held her hand out in front of him.

Hearing the words and seeing the hand she held out in front of him, Rick felt like a heel. All she was trying to do was help him. And instead of being grateful he was acting like a complete ingrate.

"I'm sorry Kate. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just so…."

"It's okay Rick." She sat down beside him and turned so she was facing him with one of her legs drawn up. "You can be as cranky as you want. Just don't hurt yourself trying to prove a point okay? I'm here to help and there is nowhere in the world I would rather be." She smiled gently and put a hand on his knee. "Also I was worse when I got out of the hospital remember?"

Rick rolled his eyes at the memory," I remember the frying pan you sent sailing in my direction that one time. If I didn't have better reflexes, it would have had a Rick shaped face etched into its bottom" She laughed and gave him a friendly punch oh his shoulder.

"Point taken! Now do you want to just use the wheelchair for now? Or do you want to prove you superpowers of walking with one leg?"

He gave her a sideways glance and then conceded reluctantly, "Wheelchair for now. Super powers for later."

"Good choice, my friend." She walked over to the wheelchair in the corner of the room. They had been wheeling him over to the bathroom in in for the last two days, so Kate had become and expert at it. She quickly helped him into it and wheeled him towards the bathroom. Once there she helped him out of the chair and had him resting his hip against the wall just inside the doorway to the little enclosure that housed the toilet.

"You gonna be okay?" Kate's brow had furrowed and she was watching him carefully.

He had been resting against the wall with his eyes closed, but they snapped open at her words.

"You volunteering to help Beckett?" One eyebrow had gone up and into his hairline.

Kate turned beet red at the comment. She had been so focused on how he was feeling that she hadn't realized where his dirty mind had gone.

"Ha ha! Dream on Grandpa."

Rick narrowed his eyes and said ominously, "I may be slightly incapacitated right now but wait till I am back in form and I will get you for the Grandpa remark. AND leave no doubt in your mind that no part of me is in 'Grandpa' territory yet. _Capice_? "

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Promises…promises." And with that she closed the door on his astonished face.

Kate walked back into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She was fanning herself with one hand. Trust Castle to make sexual innuendos in his current condition. And shame on her for wanting to rip the Superman t-shirt and scrub pants of his body and have her way with him.

A few minutes later she heard the sound of a flush followed by him calling out her name.

She walked back into the bathroom to see him standing a few feet from where she had left him earlier. He looked even more tired than he had earlier.

"Castle, forget the shower for now. For one, you look like you will keen over in there. And two you aren't supposed to get the dressing on the laceration wet for a few more days." She was about to continue her speech but was surprised when he interrupted her by saying tiredly, "Fine. How do you want to do this?"

She opened and closed her mouth like a fish a few times before walking over to his side with the wheelchair and having him sit in it. He sank into it gratefully and then looked at her expectantly.

"Let me go grab you some clean clothes. Why don't you try and get out of that t-shirt and we can tackle the pants together." Yet again the eyebrow made the journey to the hairline.

"Oh, jeez Castle! Get your dirty mind out of the gutter."

His laughter followed her into the bedroom where she began rummaging through his drawers looking for a fresh set of clothes.

"Kate close and lock the door while you're there."

Exactly what was the man planning, that would require them to lock the bedroom door she had no idea. But she did as he said and then walked back into the bathroom. Rick had managed to get out of the t-shirt by then. Kate quickly set the clothes on the counter and grabbed a towel from the towel rack. She ran some warm water into the sink and added a splash of his shower gel to it. She soaked one end of the towel into it and handed it back to him. He make quick work of 'washing' his torso with it. Water and soap had never smelt or felt this good to Rick before. Once that was done they were faced with the prospect of the lower half of his body.

Kate cleared her throat and then said in a slightly husky voice. "So how DO we get those the pants off Rick?"

Rick smiled and winked, "You have no idea how long I have waited to hear you say that. But in the present circumstances I think the best option would be for me to get them off and the clean ones on by myself. I don't think my body can handle the excitement if you tried to. But I promise to holler if I get stuck. "

Kate smiled and nodded, "Okay but don't try any stunts. I'll be right outside if you need me." And with that she walked out. While he changed into the fresh set of clothes Kate stripped the bed of the linens. She had no idea where he kept his linens and rather than hunt them down, she decided on waiting for him.

"You doing okay Rick?" She knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

She heard a crash and a muffled curse from inside. Kate hesitated a second and then rushed into the bathroom. She saw Rick standing on one leg by the sink brushing his teeth. By his feet lay the shattered porcelain hand wash dispenser. Rick looked at it and then her and shrugged. She quickly grabbed some paper towels and cleaned up the mess.

"So where do you keep your linens Rick? I just took the sheets off your bed. I figured you'd want clean ones there as well. Just point me to a fresh set and I will have them on in no time. "

Rick gave her a dismayed look and then said, "Kate you didn't have to do all that. Or this-"He pointed to the mess she had cleaned up earlier in the trash.

"You can make it up to me later Rick." Kate smiled at him sweetly and his heart melted. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and kiss her senseless. But he didn't. And if he was honest with himself, he was scared. He didn't know how long this Kate would last. Sooner or later there would be some break in her mother's case and she would be off running with scissors. He didn't know what he would do if anything happened to her again. Also he didn't think his heart could take anymore abuse. So he tamped down any romantic feelings he was feeling at the moment and sat down in the chair saying, "Lead the way detective."

Changing the sheets on Rick's bed with him watching was a strangely intimate act that had Kate blushing. For once Rick made no comments and just watched her.

"You're staring Castle."

"Am not."

Kate blew the hair out of her face and came over to where he waited patiently by the bed.

"Come on big guy let's get you back into bed."

Rick stood up with Kate's help but did not release his hold on her once he was up. He also made no move to get into bed. Instead he just watched her. Kate could smell the fresh scent of toothpaste mingled with his shower gel. It was an intoxicating combination that seemed to draw her in. "Rick…" She whispered as his thumb grazed her cheek and came to rest at the corner of her mouth. Kate leaned into his touch and wrapped her own hand around his wrist. Rick thought she was going to remove his hand from her face when she surprised him by turning her face into his palm and gently kissing it. She looked up into his eyes and he saw such raw need there he couldn't help himself. Despite all his promises to himself about not getting too close, he bent down and grazed her lips with his giving her room to draw away if she wanted. But she did just the opposite. She deepened the kiss and drew him closer. Leaving one hand around his waist, she threaded the other hand through his hair and pressed her lips to his. Rick angled his head to deepen the kiss and was surprised when he felt her gently nip at his lip and then her tongue was caressing the bite. They were both so lost in the kiss; they had forgotten Rick's condition. The next thing he knew, his good leg gave out from under him and he was flat on his back on the bed, with Kate sprawled on top of him. Thankfully she had missed his injured leg and landed half on the bed and half on him.

"Oh my god Rick! Are you okay?"

"Yes", he managed to squeak. "Other than the fact that I may not be able to father anymore children I am just peachy." The last word ended on a painful breath.

Kate looked at him confused for a second and then went red with embarrassment. When she had landed on him in an unceremonious heap, her knee had ended up in his crotch.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry Rick." Without thinking, she moved to check the part of his body she had kneed him in.

"Kate!" He caught her hand just as it was making its way towards his nether region.

She quickly scrambled off him and stood by the bed. She puffed out her cheeks and blew the air out. "Okay let's just get you settled into bed."

Rick nodded and scooted back towards the head of the bed and rested his head on the pillow. Kate pulled the fresh comforter up to his neck smiled at him. "Good night Rick. Sweet dreams."

She switched off the lamp on his nightstand and turned to go when he caught her hand. "Thanks….for everything Kate." She smiled at him again and then squeezed his and walked out, gently closing the door behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

_She quickly scrambled off him and stood by the bed. She puffed out her cheeks and blew the air out. "Okay let's just get you settled into bed." _

_Rick nodded and scooted back towards the head of the bed and rested his head on the pillow. Kate pulled the fresh comforter up to his neck smiled at him. "Good night Rick. Sweet dreams."_

_She switched off the lamp on his nightstand and turned to go when he caught her hand. "Thanks….for everything Kate." She smiled at him again and then squeezed his and walked out, gently closing the door behind her. _

Early Morning next day :

Castle could fee someone watching him. He slowly cracked one eye open and saw his daughter standing by his bed watching him with a concerned look on her face.

"Dad! You're awake." She beamed at him and then sat down next to him on the bed.

He yawned and said, "I am now."

She beamed even more and then said, "Good, I was hoping to see you before I left for school. Grams wants to see you before she leaves for her school too. Something about interviewing for the drama class."

"Hmmm" he mumbled scrubbing at his eyes. And then his eyes popped open and he looked at her in dismay. "Wait. You are both going to be out today?"

Alexis smiled inwardly. She knew where this was going. It was going to be fun to see his reaction when he found out who his caretaker was.

"Yeah dad! I have my Physics test today remember?" She made a show of looking at her watch and then leaned over and kissed his cheek soundly. "Gotta go Dad. I love you." She bounded to her feet and was almost at the door before he knew what was happening.

"ALEXISSS"

She stopped at the door, turned around and winked at him, "Be good for Detective Beckett Dad. Don't give her too much grief." And with that she was gone.

_What the hell had just happened?_ Castle couldn't believe his ears! _Why were they leaving him to fend for himself in his given condition? And what did she mean by?….._

His inner dialogue was interrupted by another red haired tornado whipping into his room.

"Darling! I'm so glad you're awake! I wanted to see how you were doing before I left. I wish I could stay home today Richard, but duty calls. Alas! The school is not going to run itself. First there are the interviews for the drama class. Then the interior decorator is coming by to show me samples for my office." Her hand gestures were even more dramatic than usual and Rick was starting to see a pattern.

"Mother" he began ominously but was cut off by Martha's "Oh good heavens. Its 8 already! I have to go Richard or I'll be late for my first interview. Bye Darling! Be good." With a wink and a wave she was gone before he got his mangled thoughts together.

Rick was really starting to get ticked off. What had happened to his distraught daughter and mother? All of a sudden they couldn't get away from him fast enough! And how in god's name did they think he was going to manage by himself? He heard muffled voices and then the loft door closing.

_This is just great! What am I supposed to do now?_ Suddenly he heard a sound in the kitchen. "Alexis? Mother?"

He had just shrugged off his comforter and painfully swung his legs over the side of the bed when he heard the bedroom door opening. The first thing he saw was a delectable flannel covered rear end.

Kate shouldered her way into the room backwards carrying a tray containing an omelet, toast and a glass of orange juice. "Good morning!"

Rick's jaw almost hit the floor. "Kate? What are you doing here?"

Kate scrunched up her nose and said "For a writer you seem to be having trouble finding words. You keep repeating yourself. Didn't you ask me that already yesterday?" She said all this while she set the tray down on the nightstand. Once she had set the food down she turned around and left the room with a "Be right back."

Rick knew he probably looked like an idiot with his jaw still hanging slack. _Was he dreaming? He had to be right? What was Beckett doing here at this hour…..and in her jammies no less!_

Kate returned a minute or so later, carrying a pair of crutches. His face lit up in a huge grin.

"Oh my god I could kiss you right now." He hated the darned wheelchair and the dependency it implied. While the crutches were still annoying, at least this way he was somewhat independent.

"That's what the crutches are for."

"Huh?"

"Go brush your teeth and THEN you can kiss me!" She beamed at him. Rick was once again rendered speechless. Now he was certain he was either dreaming or the pain pills were causing hallucinations. Either ways he didn't want to wake up. So he took hold of the crutches she offered and started the arduous journey to the bathroom.

Kate watched him carefully, staying close enough to help him if needed but far enough to give him that sense of independence. Once he was safely inside the bathroom, she returned to the bed and sat down on the edge of it chewing on her bottom lip. She had managed to pull off the oh! so casual attitude with him, but now that she was alone she had butterflies in her stomach.

She had spent the night on the couch so that she could be close enough to Rick if he needed her. But he had slept through the night and so had she. She had woken up when Alexis had come downstairs. The two of them had chatted quietly while Alexis got her things together for school and Kate made breakfast. Martha had joined them little later and Alexis had gone to check in on her dad before leaving. Martha had soon followed suite. While the women had been visiting with Castle Kate had gotten his breakfast tray ready. Now here she was, waiting for him in his bedroom, in her pajamas. Kate had surprised herself by not freaking out over all the domesticity. If anything she was actually enjoying it. On an average workday, he breakfast consisted of some form of unhealthy bakery item and coffee on the go.

She couldn't remember the last time she had made breakfast for somebody and actually sat down to eat it. If there was one thing her shooting and Rick's ordeal had taught her, it was that these kinds of moments were what life was really about. She could be chasing down criminals in dirty alleys all day long so long as she had this to come home to. She just hoped she hadn't been too late in coming to the conclusion. She hoped Rick gave her the chance to prove it. That's what she planned on focusing on, for the next 3 weeks.

She looked up when she heard the bathroom door opening. Rick stood framed in the doorway arms clutching the crutches.

"Hey, you ready to chow down?"

He watched her for a second and then taking a calculated risk said, "Not before I get my teeth brushing reward."

Her eyebrows screwed up for a moment and then it dawned on her. Smiling, she sauntered over to where he stood and getting up on tiptoes loudly smacked him on the cheek. And then before he could grab her she was back in her spot by the bed.

Rick wished he didn't have the darned crutches to deal with or he would have grabbed her and kissed her senseless. For now though he had to resort to pouting and complaining in a whiny voice, "No fair. That does not constitute a kiss. That was a gobblesmack."

Kate couldn't control her laugh. "A ….what? Are you making up words now Rick?"

He advanced towards the bed saying, "Gobblesmack. I didn't make it up. Alexis did…when she was about three. The louder the smack the harder she giggled. It was a game we played all the time."

He had reached her side by then and smiled down at her. "So detective, do I get the real deal?"

She stood up slowly, planted her hands on his chest and rose up on tiptoe. Rick held his breath; hoping for more but afraid that she would tease him and walk away. Kate slowly but surely brought her lips to his. Her hands travelled up and into his hair as she kiss deepened the kiss. Rick couldn't believe what was happening. Two real, honest to god kisses in the space of 12 or so hours! If he was dreaming, he didn't want to ever wake up.

He really hated the darned crutches that wouldn't let him pull her to him all the way. He was sure if he let them go and grabbed her, they would soon end up on the floor in an ungraceful heap.

He must have made some sound of frustration, because Kate pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. She laughed and patted his cheek. "Patience Castle, patience."

Castle growled and muttered under his breath. "Easy for you to say."

"I heard that!"

"Yeah well, I think 3 years is more than enough PATIENCE for ANYONE. For me – think in dog years."

Kate didn't know how to respond to that so she resorted to their usual friendly bartering. "Don't be such a baby Castle. You will be up and walking on your own legs in no time. In the meantime though, you need to eat breakfast. You haven't eaten much in the last 3 days and the fever has really done a number on you."

He nodded and plopped back down on the bed. Once he was seated by the headboard, she placed the tray on his lap and he started to dig in. He hadn't realized how hungry he was till he ate the first few bites. Kate in the meantime had surprisingly, settled herself next to him on the bed. She had found the remote to the tv in his room and was currently flipping through channels. Every so often she would grunt or smirk over something she saw on tv. He hadn't noticed till then, but one of the cups on the tray had been hers and she currently had her hands wrapped around the warm cup.

Castle was done eating but he didn't want to disturb the moment. This was a scene he had dreamt of often but never envisioned happening. He also didn't entirely _get _what was going on with this new Kate. Was this truly her turning over a new leaf? Or was it some misplaced sympathy or guilt? He hated to think it was the latter. It would completely destroy him if that's what it was and if she walked away again. _Wait hadn't he had this conversation with himself yesterday? And while he was held hostage? Hadn't he decided he was going to get on with his life sans Katherine Beckett ? So why was he still kissing her and wanting her and scared of her all at the same tame? _ He sighed and decided to take the bull by the horns.

"Kate"

"Mmm-hmmm" Her eyes were still on the tv. She was watching some cooking show with complete concentration.

He decided to just jump in. "At the risk of sounding like a broken record, what are you doing here Kate? Don't you have criminals to catch? Cases to solve? How come you're playing Florence Nightingale to me, after you made it abundantly clear few days back that you wanted nothing to do with me?"

Kate turned off the tv and slowly turned her body toward him. She looked down into her coffer and mumbled said softly." I took some time off."

Rick didn't think he had heard her correctly. _Did she just say she had taken time OFF?_

"I'm sorry, what do you mean time off?"

She smiled sadly and said, "Vacation Rick; I had tons stacked up and I decided to use it. I don't have to be at work for the next 3 weeks…...or more if needed." When he continued to stare at her thunderstruck, she said" You don't have to look so shocked Rick. I DO take vacation. Just not as often as most people do….. or that I should." When he still didn't say anything, Kate realized he wasn't going to make this easy. So she decided to lay all her cards on the table. "I just…" She gulped and took a deep breath, "I know I have been a bear to be around Rick. Especially since the shooting. But you were still there for me every step of the way. Just like always. And instead of being grateful for having that kind of support, I treated you like crap and pushed you away. It's taken me a while to realize just how much that…YOU mean to me. And if you give me a chance, I want to show you just that. That's what the next 3 weeks are about. If…..if you'll let me. " She paused and then continued before she lost her nerve. "I want to stay here, with you for the next few days…..if you'll have me. I want to get to know the REAL you. The YOU that doesn't need to tiptoe around me out of fear of upsetting me. The YOU that probably only Alexis and Martha get to see. And I want you to get to know the real ME. The ME from before my mom was killed. The ME that doesn't hide behind the tough cop exterior. The real ME Rick, warts and all." Kate gulped and continued, "What do you say Rick? Can you give me the next few weeks of your life?"

Rick continued to stare at her wordlessly for what seemed like a lifetime, but was only seconds before a smile broke out on his face and he extended his hand towards her in a handshake. "You got yourself a deal Detective." Then his smile got cheekier and he said, "Now go make me some coffee."


End file.
